To the Person Who Sees Me in the Midst of a Meltdown

Autism, anxiety, meltdowns — all things that affect the lives of so many people. But all things that are hard to talk about.

The struggle is real; the moments are hard. Those vulnerable moments that are hard to talk about without worry and fear of embarrassment and judgment. They are real for so many people.  Yes, I don’t write about it often, because I have feelings and deserve some privacy and respect. But not writing about it does not mean they aren’t there.

So I have decided to speak up, to step outside my comfort zone and discuss it.

There are so many things I wish I could tell you while in the midst of a storm that so many refer to as a meltdown.

I wish I could tell you I’m trying. Trying oh so very hard. I wish you could see just how hard I’m trying.

I wish I was able to tell you what was bothering me, that the tears could stop and I could just tell you what’s wrong, and that my body and brain could move on. I’ve come so far, and have so many strategies, but there’s always room for progress.

At times I wish you could read my mind, figure out what’s oh so hard for me to put into words, and help make it better. Many who love and care about me have gotten good at this, but unfortunately, no one can read minds.

I hope you have the ability to look through the upset, look past the screaming, the crying, the frustration and see the real me. See a young lady who works so hard, who wants to please, is kind, caring, creative, hard working and so much more.

So please, during those hard moments in your lives or with those you love, think of this story. Think of how hard they are trying. And remember, don’t forget the great person they are. Breathe, and think and know that eventually there will be calm, moments of love and laughter. Sometimes road bumps are just part of living through the rough waves of the ocean storm. Until you then see the beautiful rainbow that is a person — a unique, beautiful individual.

Remember the happy, remember the positive, the joy — the pure, irreplaceable joy — the smiles and giggles that make your heart melt. The moments of happy that override the moments of hard. Remember we need you, as a part of our team, supporting, loving, encouraging, comforting and supporting us throughout the whole ride through the many ocean waves — the calm and the rough.

I’m blessed with such supportive, loving, caring parents, siblings, friends, family members and therapists who love and support me.