I used to be that person — that girl.
You know, the one who always said I’d never lose myself, the one who got irritated trying to have a conversation with a friend with what sounded like a daycare in the background, the one who rolled her eyes when another friend was too tired to come out for a girls night, the one who promised herself that my children wouldn’t consume me.
Well, hello delusional, judgmental, not-a-clue-in-the-world gal before babes — Welcome to Mommyhood. How’s it feel now?
I’m so far gone in the direction I thought I wouldn’t be, that I might just be the biggest hypocrite to walk the planet. Well, maybe not the biggest, but truly, I am obsessed with my little hooligans and absolutely lost myself somewhere between the constant snuggles and peeing while getting cheered on by a toddler.
But you know what? It’s OK.
It’s OK to be consumed for awhile. Awhile will be gone before you know it. Every day a small part of me aches when a new word is said, a shoe doesn’t fit or a snuggle is shortened.
It’s OK to be so utterly tired you don’t know what day it is, you can only tell the time by what is on “Treehouse TV” and you haven’t showered in days.
It’s OK to not want to go out past your kids’ bedtime because the thought of getting out of your yoga pants, being up past 11 and finding a sitter is exhausting.
It’s OK to only have real phone conversations with friends when driving around and around in your minivan to keep your leeches , children physically off you, so you can actually talk.
It’s OK to have beans and toast for dinner because the thought of lugging more than one child to the grocery store is an event in itself, let alone the task of making dinner.
It’s OK that you take 76 pictures a day of your kids because to you, they are your world, and the pride you feel for them is like none other.
It’s OK to find unbelievable happiness in watching and nurturing something you made.
It’s OK, mommas, to lose yourself. Yourself is not, nor can it ever be what it once was. Embrace it. Grow with it. Love it.
Soon enough you’ll have that time to reconnect with your old self again, but don’t be scared if she’s different. She’s bound to be Stronger. Wiser. Kinder. Funnier. She now knows a love unlike any other — a love so fierce it’s impelled to consume what she once was.
So as I reflect on Mother’s Day, as much as I loved my old self and as my hooligans grow up, I’m sure pieces of her will come back. I have to say I’ve never loved me more and that’s because of what becoming a momma did to me.
Happy Momma’s Day, friends. Hope you feel loved beyond.
This post was originally published on the Happy Soul Project.
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