Why I Don’t Care What Causes Autism


I have a confession to make. Are you sitting down? OK, here it goes.

I don’t care what caused my kid to have autism. Not one bit. (Cue the dramatic music and GASP!)

I don’t give one flying fig why my kiddo is autistic. It’s just is what it is. I don’t need someone or thing to blame. I don’t need closure. I may need a nap, but I don’t need to know the kit and caboodle and all that autistic jazz. To paraphrase Bob Seger here, I have “turned the page.”

Why this self-centered attitude? Simple. It’s survival. I have a lot to do, and I’m going to leave science to science. None of those researchers ever come here and start a load of laundry and empty the dishwasher. So I’ll let them do their jobs and use Google for researching new crockpot recipes.

What about the other future families you may wonder? Yes, I get what you are saying. I have known a few families now that have become members of Club Spectrum. It’s hard to see it happen to those you care about, and Hallmark has yet to make a greeting card suitable for the occasion. At the same time, I can’t take that all on too. I’d rather just have tunnel vision on doing what I got to do for my kiddo. I’m all about helping out others and sharing basic tips. Don’t get me wrong. I just think it’s way better for any parent’s psyche to spend 20 minutes shooting the breeze over the game last night or this season of “Boardwalk Empire” than having an in-depth conversation on medical research. Sometimes we have to turn off the “All autism. All the time.” part of our brains because, dammit dude, my brain just needs a break.

The kiddo is 10. I have bigger fish to fry. We have a middle school transition that is quickly approaching. Last week I discovered some hair growing on some places on him, and he is starting to have teenage-boy stink on him by the end of the day. Puberty is coming, and I will need to be sedated the day we have to figure out how to shave his face. I can’t even get this kid to trim his toe nails without having to sneak it in while he sleeps. Can I shave him as he sleeps? Is that doable? He still can barely write his name. You want me to read a hundred different articles and blogs online that folks keep sending me to see about what caused autism to show up?  That has to take a number. He’s growing rapidly here, and I have too much to worry about than adding that. I can’t even remember to take out something to defrost for dinner, much less figure out when I can comb through miles of medical research on this subject. My family can’t eat research.

So I am sorry if the question what caused your child’s autism is still knocking at your door. I just decided to close the door on that subject, and I’ve been a lot happier for it. Despite a life filled with routines and schedules, more freedom came with that choice too. I’m not saying for you to do it. I’m not saying this is the only way of thinking that is right. Like we say in Jersey, “You do you.” Just be open to the idea of shifting your energy off this one thing. You might just thank me for it.

This post originally appeared on Autism With a Side of Fries.

Agree? Disagree? Send us your opinion. Email us at [email protected]

Meet more Mighty moms. Like us on Facebook.

TOPICS
JOIN THE CONVERSATION

Related

On Learning My Second Child Can Move Her Legs

My daughter can move her legs. I figured she would. Why wouldn’t she? Lightning doesn’t often strike the same place twice. And by lightning, I mean spina bifida. And by place, I guess I mean… me. I knew she would move her legs. Still, I was not prepared. For the triumphant force of it. For [...]

To the Doctor Who Diagnosed My Daughter

Dear Dr. M, It’s not like I hadn’t heard of you before we walked into your office that day. Your reputation as the best developmental paediatrician around is why we stood in front of you. I had done the research on you, both professional and personal. I knew who I was looking at, but I [...]

Here’s What Happened When I Decided to Reach Out to Strangers

In the 1980s there was a national advertising campaign for the phone company AT&T. Reach out, reach out and touch someone! Reach out, call up and just say hi, urged the happy singing voice on the television commercial. The campaign was a huge success that resulted in a large increase in sales for the phone company. This [...]

I Used to Believe in Pet Rocks and That Plaid Pants Were the Best

When I was a little kid, I believed in a lot of things. I believed in magic, wonder, in the power of wishes and kisses, and that I – and all of us – have the power to change the world. I still believe. Back then, though, I thought bad people only came in windowless [...]