The Best Part of Special Needs Parenting. No, Really.


unnamed A few months back, I got an email asking a few of us special needs moms to share the gifts of special needs parenting. The responses would be published, and the world would probably be a better place. I like to see my name in lights as much as anybody else, but I looked over at my autistic son who was talking to a crayon, I looked down at the stack of bills due this month, and said, yeah, maybe not today.

But the question stayed with me.

Don’t misunderstand me here. My son is amazing, and I love parenting this kid. But the question — as I decided to interpret it anyway — was what is great about parenting a child with special needs, not what is great about your kid with special needs. The latter is a much easier answer, but that’s not the answer I set out to find.

I thought about it. If you get past the therapies and the bills and the education issues and the worrying about the future, keep going beyond all the doctors and the teetering patience and the stress, if you really, really look, is there something back there, hiding, that is uniquely awesome about all this?

I had come up empty-handed for a few months now. But then…

We were cruising through the Ace Hardware, and my son found some PVC piping. He plopped himself down on the floor, grabbed a few pieces, and started configuring them together. A sales woman approached us, asked if we were finding what we needed, and in response, my son asked, “Oh hi, can you make a B-29 from this?” The sales woman said to me what everyone says to me, “I think you have an engineer on your hands here.” I smiled, and said what I always say. “Maybe.”

My son’s measurable mechanical talents live right next door to the fact that, at 8, he thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to sit in the middle of the PVC aisle at Ace Hardware and assemble a WWII aircraft. An engineer? Maybe. The truth is I don’t really care.

Wait. Say that again. The truth is I don’t really care. At all. I have no attachment to any plan that my son become an engineer, a pilot,or the CEO of the next Google.

I have great attachment, however, to the hope that he is happy.

Well, wow.

In the middle of a hardware store, I stumbled upon the special needs parenting pot of gold. If my son were typical, if we didn’t work so, so hard on what comes naturally to other kids, I can assure you that I would have his happiness tied to long-term education and career goals, all bundled together with socially-praised measures of success.

I have absolutely none of that.

I want my son to find his place in this world, wherever that is, and I want him to be happy. That’s it. I think this is about as pure and lovely as it gets. For the first time ever, I can honestly thank autism for something.

Sincerely,
Becca

thanks-autism-2

This post originally appeared on Sincerely, Becca.

Read more from Rebecca Masterson on The Mighty:
Dear Mom in the Waiting Room

Want to end the stigma around disability? Like us on Facebook.

And sign up for what we hope will be your favorite thing to read at night.

TOPICS
JOIN THE CONVERSATION

Related to Autism Spectrum Disorder

36 People Perfectly Explain Why Special Olympics Is So Important

We write about athletes nearly every day at The Mighty. After all, athletes defy odds. They work hard, they prove naysayers wrong and they teach us about determination and commitment. They face adversity head on and go after their goals. No organization celebrates the Mightiness of sports more than Special Olympics. We’ve touched on this in [...]

‘What’s Wrong With His Legs?’ A Special Needs Mom Public Service Announcement

It’s hard out here in these parent-of-a-child-with-special-needs streets. People have no common sense or just don’t know no betta. That’s where my public service announcement comes in. I figure it can’t hurt to educate folk as to what the experience is like on the backend of some of their ignorant (meant in the truest form of the word) comments. [...]

A Message to the Good-Intentioned People Who Pray for Me to be ‘Healed’

I’ve consciously identified as a Christian since my early teens and simply put, this means accepting that I am imperfect in my humanity and doing my best to show tolerance and love to everyone I meet, as Jesus did (including those who don’t share my beliefs). As I’ve used a wheelchair pretty much since birth, my disability has [...]

Dear Shopper Staring at My Child Having a Meltdown in the Grocery Store

Dear Shopper, Yes, I know. I’m well aware that my child is screaming — not just a regular scream but an ear-piercing, sanity-shattering screech. Even if I wasn’t seeing and hearing it, I would know by the expression on your face. Clearly, you have raised your children better than me. That is what you were [...]