Every year I like to post something for my family and friends, to share what I’m feeling inside as we raise our son with autism and our daughter, who was diagnosed with ADHD and severe OCD. The one thing that resonates each year is that I’m lucky to be on this road. It’s paved with so many stories and love from others. Here’s this year’s letter that I wrote to my younger self…
Dear Past Karen,
Greetings from age 48. I bet you’re sitting on the floor of the living room right now folding laundry. Am I right? I can see you now. Jake is playing cars in his room, and Julia is watching an Elmo video with you. I figured you have a few minutes before the next therapist arrives for Jake’s speech session. I know the autism diagnosis hit you hard last year. I’m writing today to tell you about how things turned out and to let you know that most, if not all, of your prayers have indeed been answered.
In just a few months, Jake will start school at a place called Variety Pre-School. He will be placed in a class with other children on the spectrum. I know you’re going to be super nervous about letting him go, but trust me, it will be the best thing that ever happens to him developmentally. He starts to speak in sentences after eight months. He’ll stay at Variety for kindergarten, which turns out to be the best decision you and Ernie make educationally because it gives Jake that extra little push he’ll need for Central Boulevard Elementary. That’s right, both of your kids will attend the same elementary school as you and Ernie did.
Jake starts CBS in first grade and blossoms. He develops an incredibly shiny personality and is crazy about school. He starts to play school in the basement den every day. Your mom helps by setting up a classroom at her house too! Thank God for Grandma and Grandpa. They’ve pulled you through your darkest days since autism knocked on your door. Before you know it, Jake will graduate from CBS and you will be wondering why you ever cried yourself to sleep every night for two years and sometimes refused to leave the house or answer the phone. You woke up one day and started to give back at Variety. You join the PTA and start taking on more and more projects that connect you to school.
By the time JFK Middle School comes along, you wonder how you ever survived without some of your friends and their families. You realize that autism is a blessing rather than a burden. I won’t lie; those days where you feel cold and lonely do return from time to time, but they no longer control you. You control them by remembering that Jake needs you and Ernie to be strong for him and his future.
Jake is now a sophomore at BHS and is the same age you were when you met Ernie. He’s a typical teen complete with worries about what his clothes and hair look like or who will talk to him at lunch. Does he still have rough days? Sure he does, but you’ve learned so much from the doctors you met throughout the years that you learn to get though these rough patches. Ready for this? Jake plays on a basketball team and is a Boy Scout. He volunteers at the District’s Summer Special Ed program as a counselor. The staff says the kids love him! This is the boy who never spoke a word until he was nearly 4 years old.
Julia has blossomed into a 13-year-old lady right before your eyes. True, she’s had her challenges, but she’s a treat. You love to shop with her and take long car trips so you can chat about every little thing. She and Jake will fight like cats and dogs, but they love each other more than you will ever know. Ernie? He’s a miracle on earth who literally picked you up and dragged you through each day. I seriously doubt you would have made it to where you are without him.
I’ll let you get back to the laundry. Elmo is almost over and you need to get Julia a snack before the speech teacher arrives. Just remember, life is good my friend. You’re blessed with so many gifts. Autism can never take them away from you.
Just thank autism for helping you to realize how special life really is.
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