Why I Let Myself Cry on My Daughter’s First Day of Preschool
My little girl started daycare today. Breathe, Momma, breathe.
While it’s hard for anyone to leave their babe in the hands of others for all the obvious reasons, for me, leaving my daughter, Pip, is so much more. I mean, besides going away for the first time last week with my husband, her and I have never been apart.
I guess it’s also the undeniable fact that while there’s still issues — like her little eye contact falling out, developmental delays that come with having Down syndrome or her glasses getting broken — at the end of the day, she’s thriving and growing up, and sometimes I still momma hen her because I remember moments when she wasn’t.
Moments when she needed a feeding tube to survive.
Moments where surgeries to fix her heart and eyes loomed over us.
Moments when nothing else mattered in the world except holding her in my arms.
So, to let her freely walk out of them caused some major momma tears this morning.
And I know all the “it will be good for her” and “you need this time” and yada, yada, yada goodness that it all will bring. But today I choose to dwell in these tears.
Tears of letting my little girl go.
Tears of being so damn proud of her.
Tears of fear that she’s going to be teased, bit, pushed or not accepted.
Tears of excitement to see the impact she has on all those around her.
Tears of peace that her big brother is there with his big, sweet heart and protective bulldog tendencies.
Tears of acceptance that this is what is needed for our family.
Tears of thankfulness that I’ve had two full years with her.
Tears of guilt because I’m a momma and that just undeniably happens.
Tears of happiness that as soon as I put her down and let her loose in her classroom, another little girl went right up over to her and hugged her hard. That little girl will never know how she helped ease a momma’s heart. I know this is just daycare, but I can’t help but get emotionally revved up imagining this all when it comes time for real school. The “will she get teased,” “will her brother, Noal, be there to protect her” “will she be OK” kinda thoughts swirled in and out of her today. So that little girl coming up and hugging her helped the swirls stay positive.
The amazing daycare director and staff sent me pictures and updates throughout the day, and I think they’ve already fallen in love with my sweet girl. Pip had a great day — a million times better than Noal’s first day or any of my friends’ kids days combine. She rocked it like I knew she would. Yet I still ate too many Snickers and got emotionally crazy and felt the need to ride the change train all the way and chopped off all my hair.
I need help. And more Snickers.
This post originally appeared on The Happy Soul Project.
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