18 Times Kids Said the Darndest Things
Nothing is better than when a little human opens his or her mouth and gives us grownups a glimpse of their perspective on the world. (Also they get away with saying all sorts of crazy things.)
Ahh, to be a kid again.
1. “‘My butt popped like a bubble.’ This was after she passed gas.” — Ali Hammons
2. “I did not eat the M&M. I fell and it accidentally got in my mouth.” — Amy Schulz
3. “My cousin came over and showed us their ultrasound pictures. I told my 4-year-old son she a baby girl in her tummy. He continued to play with his cars on the floor but got nervous and ran to me. He looked up at me and asked, very quietly, “Did she eat the baby?” — Melissa Schlemmer
4. “When our son was finally diagnosed with autism, I was trying to find a way to tell him. His response: ‘You have autism!’ And he stormed off. His sister sat there and said, ‘I want autism.’ Clearly that did not go as planned.” — Diana Delgado
5. “My son had just had his birthday, and we told a white lie to pay less for an entry fee. The next day we were going on the steam railway. Hubby was just about to pay when our little boy looked up and said, ‘So how old am I today, Dad?‘” — Jane Akroyd
6. “‘You don’t have to kill zombies. Just pull their teeth. That’s nicer.’” — Alexa Bloom
7. “Years ago a friend’s 6-year-old daughter came running in all upset because her grandfather was teasing her. She said he was calling her an ugly muffin. I whispered something in her ear, and she ran outside screeching in a carry-three-miles voice only a child has: ‘Granddad, Donna says beauty is in the behind of the holder!’ Decades later it still cracks me up.” — Donna Runion
8. “My son’s kindergarten teacher wore tops that showed her cleavage. One day he said, ‘Mom, Mrs. L. has a butt on her chest!‘” — Nancy Hakes Gjoraas
9. “My 6-year-old bounced around the house chanting, ‘S-E-X! S-E-X!’ I was like, ‘Huh?’ ‘Six, Mommy! I can spell six!’ *PHEW*” — Lisa Hoffman Schaller
10. “I was in the grocery store after a day of substitute teaching a first grade class. I met a boy from the class and his mother. He screamed, ‘Look Mom, it’s my prostitute teacher!‘” — Ethelwyn Smith
11. “‘Mommy, did you hear that burp my butt made?’ From my 4-year-old daughter.” — Jennie Raycraft
12. “My 3-year-old was getting out of the car and bumped her elbow. She said, ‘Oh Mama, I hurt my arm-knee.’” — Nancie Neely Capps
13. “Baby touching my cheek — ‘Mama… No sing.’” — Heather Brose McKeighan
14. “My 1-and-a-half-year-old shouts ‘die’ instead of ‘boo.’ ‘Die mama… Die die.‘ Haha.” — Mary Elizabeth
15. “Standing in line at Target with my 4-year-old, my husband reaches towards her and she screams, ‘Don’t beat me!’ We had to explain to the crowd that if Dad tickles her, we always say it was her getting a beating — he never spanked her because she was daddy’s spoiled girl. Awkward silence fell over the crowd, then she screamed again, ‘Daddy, throw me a beating!’ and giggled. They laughed and went back to their shopping.” — Beth Burns
16. “‘Mom, can I smoke?’” — Sara Garcia Carrillo
17. “Today my 11-year-old daughter asked why that ‘pull my finger’ joke only works for boys? ‘It never works when I try to pull the joke on people… Do boys have a secret trigger or something?’” — Sabrina Ricks
18. “‘I can stick out my tongue at girls when I get rich.’” — Becky Thomas
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