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4 Reasons Why I Want Another Child After Losing One

I lost my daughter Braylee on December 6, 2015. I had her when I was 18 years old. She was diagnosed with agenesis of the corpus callosum (ACC). ACC is a rare congenital disorder in which there is a complete or partial absence of the corpus callosum, the area connecting the two hemispheres in the brain. Hers was completely missing. Doctors told us she wouldn’t be able to reach “normal” milestones or have a normal lifespan. I didn’t want to believe it. She had to have a trachea put in at a year and a half old. I never heard her voice again, but she always had a special way of talking to me.

December 6, 2015 was the last time I held my baby, and I remember every minute of it like it was yesterday, just like I remember holding her for the first time.

She would have been 3 on February 23. I loved being a mom, especially her mom. Being a mom was the only thing I absolutely loved doing. Being a mom was the only thing I was ever good at in my eyes. She passed away two months ago, and now I want another baby. I’m sure some people might disagree with it, but here are my reasons why I want to try for another one.

1. There is a 2 to 3 percent chance the new baby will have the same condition my daughter did. Yes, I’m terrified of something happening. No, I won’t love the baby any less. We didn’t expect Braylee to have the condition she did, but we didn’t love her any less, and we tried our hardest at everything we could.

2. No, the new baby will not replace my daughter. Nothing will ever replace her. She was my first child, and we went through hell and back together. We will always have a special bond, and she will always have a special place in my heart.

3. Yes, I am still grieving over the loss of Braylee, and there might be a slight chance I do want another baby to help fill the emptiness. I had her when I was 18; I didn’t go to college parties and what not like other people my age often did. Now that I am 21, I still have yet to go to the bar since she has passed, like other people my age often do. The thing is, when you have a child, you do grown-up stuff and family-oriented things. So that is what we did, and we still do that to this day. When your mind is set like that for three years, it’s hard to break the habit. We already missed out on a lot, and I’m not going to change it now. Missing out on those things was worth it.

4. We’re a family. Braylee will not be forgotten. Her brother or sister will know about her. They will know they have a big sister up in heaven looking down on them. I will talk about her and her condition and how strong she was to them as they get older. They will be proud to say they have a big sister even though she isn’t here. She will always be in our hearts and with us wherever we go. Pictures will still be all over our house of us together, and I will try my best to make her included in family pictures.

This is our life. This is our family. If this is what we want to do, please support us. Just know, I will not be replacing her. We want to be happy again. We want to live our lives as happily as possible. After losing her, there has been emptiness there. The stress and depression has taken over us. In my heart, I believe this is a way to heal.

Mom and dad with baby daughter