When a Stranger Asked Me 'Is Your Other Kid Normal?'


“Is your other kid normal?”

How would you feel if someone asked you that?

Before I let you know how I reacted though, I want to start by looking at the dictionary definition of “normal.”

According to The Oxford English Dictionary, the word “normal” means: conforming to a standard; usual, typical or expected.

In other words, this stranger was implying my son is not standard, usual or what was expected. He does not fit society’s stereotypical idea of a 7-year-old. He is different. He is unique. To the stranger he stood out as exceptional and out of the ordinary.

Do you know how proud that makes me of my son?

I love how he is different. I love that he does things in his own way, at his own time and that he has no concept of following the crowd. I delight in the ways he shows excitement by flapping, making high pitched noises and spinning. I smile when I watch him making his own delicacies like pizza with custard and yogurt with mashed potato. I find it refreshing how he would rather watch lift doors than spend money on toys. I dance around with him in glee watching yet another person use the hand dryers in the public bathrooms.

He is funny. He is loveable. He is energetic. He gets bored clothes shopping and thinks he knows better than me at times. Those are all “normal” things that 7-year-old boys do!

He has brown hair, hazel eyes and a love of technology. He is average height and weight for his age and even his shoe size is right on target!

So why would a stranger ask me if my other kid was normal?

She looked at my son and saw his differences. She looked at the fact he is unable to speak. She looked at his poor balance, his different mannerisms and noises and she saw him as less, not conforming and not typical. Her question implied I should be sad for having such a unique child. Maybe I should be sad I have to support him so much at 7? Maybe I should be brokenhearted he is not yet potty trained and not speaking?

I refuse to judge this stranger. Why? Well, a part of me used to be there. My heart ached for the things my son could not do. My body ached pushing him around in a chair for all the years he could not walk. My ears would love to hear his voice.

But now, I see my son differently. I see him as beautiful. I see him as wonderful.
He is normal. His sister is normal, too.

Normal according to the dictionary is conforming to a standard. If you see the standard as “being human,” then there really is no such thing as not being normal. So do you want to know how I replied?

I simply smiled and said softly, “Yes. I am blessed with two amazing children. Thanks!”

Miriam's children. Her son makes a goofy face.
Miriam’s children

Follow this journey on Faithmummy.

 The Mighty is asking the following: Describe a moment when you were at a hospital and a medical staffer, fellow patient or a stranger made a negative or surprising comment that caught you off guard. How did you respond to it? If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to [email protected] Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

TOPICS
JOIN THE CONVERSATION

Related to Autism Spectrum Disorder

Why I’ll Never Say Our Version of Hard Is Worse Than Yours

One thing that shocked me the most upon becoming a part of the autism community was the great divide and the tension that exists. You don’t have to go any further than the comments section on an autism blog to find the division and anger. I see the derisiveness in our support groups, in our [...]

3 Tips for Learning To Adapt When You Have Autism

Hey Andrew Levin here, with a video about learning to adapt when you have autism. I believe this is an important aspect of life and as such, it should be something that everyone does. If you have an idea for a video you’d like made, send me a message at [email protected]

When I Stopped Trying to Be Something My Brain Wasn't Wired to Be

Labels are words we use to describe ourselves, a thing or someone else. Some people think labels put you in a box and limit what you believe you can do. They can. Some labels hurt your feelings. They do. In scouting upcoming opponents in basketball, I use labels a lot: left-handed, shooter, driver, quick, smart, [...]

10 Things You Can Do for a Parent Whose Child Just Got an Autism Diagnosis

Recently we celebrated the birthday of my youngest son Zach, who has autism. Families and friends from both sides of his genetic tree came to usher in his last year in single digits, while his almost teenaged older brother with severe autism, Justin, looked on. All in all, the event went well, with my littlest love thrilled with his [...]