When the Voice in My Head Says I Can’t Be Happy With Chronic Illness


Dear me,

I know it’s hard. You’ve been fighting this battle practically your whole life and “exhausted” doesn’t even begin to describe how you feel. You are never a burden for needing extra help or support — the only person who believes you are a burden is you.

You are such a brave person and you deserve to be treated in the best way possible. Not like a victim, not like a survivor, but like a person. I mean, that’s all you have ever wanted, isn’t it? To not be scared to tell people of your illness in case they react badly, to not feel like you are being toxic to a friend or a relative when you finally confess to being in pain. But you also have to accept the fact that not everyone is going to love you for you. No matter how lovely you are to people, there will always be that one person who refuses to accept you as you are. Whether that is your family or whether that’s your own best friend, just know they aren’t worth the breath you are fighting for.

You deserve the world, not just the sea.

There is so much negativity that goes hand in hand with bearing the weight of a chronic illness, especially when it is and has been your entire life — but you mustn’t listen to the voice in your head that tells you that you can’t lead a happy life. You have so much to look forward to:

  • Getting that new dog you have always wanted
  • Moving out and being able to do things your own way
  • Getting a job you enjoy that not only supports you, but takes into account your illness and does all they can to help you
  • Finally learning to drive (although that still terrifies you)
  • Getting a car (although that still terrifies you, too)

And all you hear is that little annoying voice in the back of your head telling you that all you are and will ever be is this illness. I am so proud of you for getting through the days that felt like hell and made you come closer than an inch to giving up. You made it and you will make it.

I love you and I’m sorry I don’t show you enough,

Me

P.S. Please take whatever help people try to give you. It’s not because you’re broken.

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