Why I Talk About My Daughter’s Autism With Others Every Day


Autism Awareness Month is less than a month away, and talk of autism will be filling the air. My social news feed is already blowing up with reminders to either start a walkathon, raise money for therapies and Light It Up Blue, all in the name of autism awareness.

Granted, it’s imperative to talk about autism and do these things throughout the month of April, but what about now or after the blue lights fade? You see, I am one of those parents who constantly talks about her daughter’s autism diagnosis to anyone willing to listen. I do this on a daily basis. Why? Why in the world would I share something so personal with strangers who could potentially use my words against me?

Well, I’ll tell you why — but first, I get it. I understand why some families are very selective as to who they share their child’s diagnosis with, mainly due to preconceived labels and judgments.

If someone wants to keep my daughter or family in a label bubble or decides to not associate themselves with us after learning my daughter Autumn has autism, guess what? That’s their problem. That’s on them. Also, what kind of friend would that be? Honestly, would anyone want to be friends with people who are afraid of autism or anything else that may not fit into that perfect box image? I didn’t think so. Plus, I really don’t care what people think of me and my family. If they want to judge us or not associate with us because we’re a special needs family, oh well. Their loss. Our gain.

In addition, how are we supposed to support a world full of inclusion, awareness and acceptance if we don’t talk about the diagnosis, or if we are so afraid to let the cat out of the bag that it holds not just our families back from being able to try new things, but hurts the child and/or individual we are advocating for?

I believe we as parents and caregivers are responsible for creating a world where our children have every opportunity to excel. By talking about the diagnosis and then educating others about autism (or any disability for that matter), we can encourage more sensitivity and understanding. We can begin to break down barriers and remove stigmas one step at a time. We can open the eyes and minds of others who may now go throughout their days being less judgmental towards that parent with the screaming child in the store or down the street. We can open the pathways for love and acceptance as well as kindness by sharing our journeys.

I feel this is how we can change the world. It’s a 365-day-a-year ideal, not just promoting this belief throughout one month.

girl looking at aquarium tank
Patricia’s daughter, Autumn.

Lastly, I talk about my daughter’s diagnosis because I’m proud of her and all that she is. Autism is a huge part of her life and her everyday challenges as well as triumphs, but it isn’t our entire world. I want people to see that people with autism are more than autism. That autism isn’t a one-size-fits-all glove like many people may assume. Like a beautiful snowflake, autism can be just as unique.

So the next time a stranger starts asking you questions about your child, don’t be afraid and share with them their diagnosis. You might even make a new friend that day, or at least you did your part in promoting awareness, acceptance and love, all for the greater good of making this world a more sensitive and caring place.

Follow this journey at Raising a Butterfly: Autumn’s Journey.

 The Mighty is asking the following: What’s one thing people might not know about your experience with disability, disease or mental illness, and what would you say to teach them? If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to [email protected] Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

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We Could Watch This Temple Grandin Animation All Day


Temple Grandin gave an oral history at Colorado State University in 2008, and only recently has the audio for her lecture surfaced online. PBS’ “Blank on Blank” web show is running a special series, “The Experimenters,” and they decided to use audio of Grandin’s speech set to an animated video.

In the clip, Grandin explains how having an autistic brain is much like a search engine:

My brain is visually indexed. I’m basically totally visual. Everything in my mind works like a search engine set for the image function. And you type in the keyword and I get the pictures, and it comes up in an associational sort of way.

Grandin was nonverbal until the age of 3, at which point she was diagnosed with autism. She rose to fame when she developed a more humane approach for cows being led to slaughter and has designed facilities in which half the cattle in the United States are handled. Grandin currently works as a Professor of Animal Science at Colorado State University. All the while, she’s been a trailblazer in autism awareness.

In her speech, Grandin also mentions other public figures with autism:

[Nikola] Tesla definitely today would be diagnosed autistic. If you got rid of all of the genes that caused autism, you’d be rid of Carl Sagan, you’d be rid of Mozart, Einstein today would be labeled autistic. He had no speech until he was 2 years old.

Realizing Grades Aren't Everything as a Student With Autism


I struggled in school every single day. When I misunderstood something, I was told to ask for help. Yet when I did ask for help, I was told I was fine and I should stop worrying so much. Had I received my autism spectrum diagnosis when I was first assessed in sixth grade, I may not have struggled for the following four years until my official diagnosis in tenth grade. However, my diagnosis was originally dismissed, and instead I was seen as this anxious perfectionist who needed to learn how to relax more. But I couldn’t relax. I was still struggling. I was still misunderstanding things. I wasn’t misunderstanding just the material, but I also totally missed the bigger concept of learning how to learn.

When I was growing up, I didn’t strive to get all As simply because I felt I could achieve them; I did it because I thought I was supposed to get them. This came at a price: many, many meltdowns. And although my parents tried to explain to me it was okay to get lower grades as long as I was trying my best, I still thought that “trying my best” meant getting an A. Because that’s how people received awards and recognition. I hadn’t received any awards for my grades yet, so I thought I must not be doing my best. I still remember the awards ceremony and seeing my classmates getting awards. I would listen for my name, but I would never hear it. When I finally did receive an award such as honor roll, I wondered how I would ever keep up with the grades.

I realize now that awards aren’t always everything, and I understand that “trying my best” doesn’t always mean getting an A. At the same time, I am still trying to find that balance between “trying my best” and “perfectionism.” But kids are impressionable, and I don’t think it helps that schools give better and better awards to those with higher and higher grades. It’s great to acknowledge students, but make sure you are acknowledging them for the effort they put into trying to do their work, not just their ability to do it.

The Mighty is asking the following: Share with us an unexpected moment with a teacher, parent or student during your (or your loved one’s) school year. If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to [email protected] Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

Lead photo source: Thinkstock Images

3 Tips for Living With a Roommate Who Has Autism


You are probably going to have to have roommates sooner or later. If you’re wondering “What do I do if one of my roommates has autism?” — these tips may help you!

If you have videos you’d like to see made, please send me your ideas at [email protected].

Restaurant Owner Has Strong Message for Patrons Who Disrespected Autistic Waiter


Grenache restaurant in Manchester, England, wrote a “strongly worded” message on its Facebook page on Thursday, March 3, after a group of patrons made rude remarks about one of their employees, Andy Foster, who has autism.

Mike Jennings, the owner of Grenache, told the Manchester Evening News the customers refused Foster’s service, and instead asked what was “wrong” with him and why Jennings would employ him.

Citing the incident as “totally unacceptable,” Jennings wrote, “We do not discriminate. If you do… Then please do not book a table at Grenache.”

Thoughts on an incident which occurred last night….Totally unacceptable.Strongly worded but we need to get our point across.#equalopportunities

Posted by Grenache Restaurant on Thursday, March 3, 2016

Foster, who is also a registered caregiver to his mother, who has Alzheimer’s disease, started working at the restaurant three weeks ago, reported The Independent.

“In our eyes nobody should be discriminated in any industry and we feel that sometimes you’re served by people and you have no idea anything about that person,” Jennings told the Manchester Evening News. “You shouldn’t have the right to judge that person or treat them any differently.”

“I try not to take it personally because it has happened so many times in the past, I have just got used to it,” Foster added. ”I’ve been in this situation a few times in the past on a reasonably regular basis and I’ve always felt that it was my fault and I needed to apologize. And with Karen’s and Mike’s support they have shown me that that is not the case. Mike and Kaz have been so supportive saying it’s not my fault. I shouldn’t be treated different to any other member of staff.”

Read Grenache’s response in its entirety below:

Thoughts on an incident which occurred last night….
Totally unacceptable.
Strongly worded but we need to get our point across.
#‎equalopportunities

Today was spent rebuilding the confidence of one of our team, after being disrespected by a table dining with us last night.

‘What is wrong with him?’ and ‘Why would you give him a job?’ they asked…

Here at Grenache, we employ staff based on experience, knowledge and passion for the job…. NOT the colour of their skin, or the way they look, how many tattoos they have, their dress size, religious beliefs or illness. We do not discriminate!

If you DO…. Then please do not book a table at Grenache. You do not deserve our team, effort or RESPECT!

#teamGrenache #equalopportunities #fairrightstojobs #respect

To the Parents of Children With Autism: I See You


To the parents out there who spend their weeks consciously trying to attend to their child’s needs (special or otherwise) and still feel like at the end of the week it’s not enough – I see you.

To the parents who cut their children’s sandwiches up in specific ways and serve them on certain plates and pick out all the peas or only serve white food on Wednesdays – I see you.

To the parents who cut off tags, shop for non-scratchy shirts, buy four different pairs of shoes in the wish that one will help their child feel comfortable – I see you.

To the parents who throw their hands up in the air in utter desperation and frustration because you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel and nothing seems to be helping – I see you.

To the parents who attend meeting after meeting, appointment after appointment, trying to make more sense of their child’s depth of need – I see you.

To the parent who will sleep on the tile floor all night long and use a towel for a blanket so their child will sleep in their own bed and not be awake all night long – I see you.

To the parents who actively advocate and spread education and awareness in the vain hope their child may feel a little less segregated from the rest – I see you.

To the parents who feel isolated and alone but also daunted at the prospect of friendships – I see you.

To the parents who carry guilt because they can’t give their children equal attention – I see you.

To the parents afraid a label may place limitations on their child – I see you.

To the couples who are trying to scratch out chunks of time for themselves so they can identify as more than mother and father, but often feel like it’s a fruitless exercise – I see you.

I see you all. You are not alone. It is hard and you are doing such a wonderful job by your children. They may not recognize it now or even for a few years, but they will and they will be so thankful and proud. You never ever once gave up on them.

And finally:

To the child with autism who may feel lost in a world that is overwhelming and confusing – I see you, and believe me when I say you are loved and supported and your world will gradually make more sense one day because we live in a world slowly beginning to embrace the beauty of neuro-diversity, and you have so much to teach it.

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