When You Are Unable to Verbalize Your Depression


Your phone has just vibrated for the 12th time. Yet, all you can do is stare at it until the notification fades to the harsh black of your lock screen.

People keep asking you if you are OK – which seems redundant because surely you are seeping your sadness into the way you look. You haven’t slept in days and are lacking any form of inspiration to shower.

Surely, people can tell you are too sad for words.

But they can’t. They can’t because you don’t tell them how you feel. You feel like you can’t. In your mind, the more you talk about it, the likelier you are to becoming “mad.”

Maybe it’s an awfully hard thing to believe – that someone might relate to you. But here I am, writing an article to first, make myself feel a little better and second, to reassure you that you are never alone.

One thing I will never understand about myself is why I ever thought and still at times continue to think that pushing people away is a lot easier than admitting how I feel. Now I realize pushing people away only makes the other person wonder what they have done wrong.

The answer to this, of course, is that they haven’t. I just hate admitting I am depressed over a situation neither of us can change.

To the reader of this article, none of this is your fault, but please do not go looking for a person to blame.

I know it feels like you are this tiny dot on a gigantic map, but you are and always will be somebody else’s entire world.

You are not replaceable, and your thoughts and feelings are not insignificant.

Please reach out if you are struggling.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Image by Grandfailure


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Depression

woman with the night sky drawn in her hair

13 Things to Remember When You Love a Person Who Has Depression

  This piece was written by Koty Neelis, a Thought Catalog contributor. 1. Depression is not a choice. Depression is one of the most helpless and frustrating experiences a person can have. It’s sometimes feeling sad, sometimes feeling empty and sometimes feeling absolutely nothing at all. There are times when depression can leave someone feeling paralyzed in their own [...]
doctor writing on a clipboard

When a Doctor Invalidated My Physical Symptoms Because of My Depression

At the time, I was afraid. After a yearlong battle with depression, which resulted in therapy and group counseling in between a job, internship, 15 hours of coursework and multiple extracurricular student groups, I just wanted to finish what was adding extra work to my already busy college schedule. It was my third year of [...]
woman laying in bed with her PJs on watching a show on her laptop

5 Reasons Netflix and Yoga Pants Are My 'Go To’ When Coping With Depression and Anxiety

Anxiety and depression affect people in different ways. For me, anxiety gives me panic attacks and makes it hard to concentrate, while depression makes me doubt myself and not want to talk to anyone. There are many ways of coping out there, and some methods are more effective on different days. Lately, I have noticed [...]
Woman face. watercolor illustration

What It Feels Like to Have 'Functioning' Depression

  If you’ve ever experienced depression, you know exactly when your worst moment was, your rockbottom. Some of us hit rockbottom more than once. Sometimes we feel like we are always at the bottom of the well, begging for someone to pull us out. But sometimes, we don’t realize we are depressed because we aren’t that [...]