Applying to College When You Have Anxiety and Depression
For years you have been trying to have the perfect grades, perfect appearance, perfect friendships and perfect relationships. For someone with anxiety and depression, perfection never seems attainable. You have a fear of rejection and not ever being good enough.
Now I am 18 years old applying to college…
I have to submit an application of all my accomplishments while thinking…
Do I have the right scores?
Do I have enough community service hours?
Did I do anything wrong?
Is someone else’s application better than mine?
I should’ve tried harder.
My grades aren’t high enough.
Why didn’t I study more?
Am I good enough to go to this school?
Then you have to write essays on who you are and sadly, you don’t know who you are.
They ask what made you who you are today and what identifies you. You don’t know who you are and your opinion of yourself is based on what you think others think of you. You know your identity is not your anxiety or depression, but in this moment, it consumes you.
You finish writing and now you hit submit.
Now you wait for people to look over you holistically and decide if they want you. Your biggest fear is rejection and not being good enough for a school.
The wait is the hardest part. You sit there and think of everything you may have done wrong or could have done better. The longer it takes to hear a reply, the more you feel rejected and less than everyone else.
Then a letter comes and you are either accepted or denied.
Accepted: You are happy and feel a weight has been lifted but now fear being around new people.
Denied: You feel a wave of never being good enough.
From this process I learned everything happens for a reason and no matter what the letter says, you are not a failure.
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