Last year, when I finally found the courage to start talking about my stutter openly, I really worried that people would think I was seeking attention or asking for pity. I know that might sound weird, but I tend to overthink everything. Sometimes I become so paranoid about what others may think that I miss important opportunities I believe God tries to give me. To this day, conflict clouds my heart every time I sit down to write a new blog post, because I do not want this to be about me. I want this to be about my amazing God and what I believe He has done in my life! I believe God is the One Who gave me this passion for writing, and I desire to use it for Him. However, I also want to be relatable to my readers by writing about personal experiences. There is such a fine balance to maintain.
So…why? Why did I spend several days building a blog? Why do I sometimes spend hours at a computer writing a new article or a new blog post? Why do I talk about my stutter so much?
For years, I kept my voice under lock and key. Speaking out about my stutter just wasn’t an option. Nobody — absolutely nobody — could know I was different, except for my closest family members. Instead of letting other people help me, I carried the weight on my own. Until one day, I realized my belief that God doesn’t want us to go through this life alone. Consumed by my own insecurity, I was neglecting others. I was missing opportunities.
I couldn’t see around the impenetrable walls I had built around my heart.
I write, and I write, and I write because it takes away all the fear and anxiety that results from keeping everything locked up in my heart. It brings me peace and acceptance. If I’m afraid of my stutter, other people will be afraid of it too and won’t know how to react. In addition, writing about my stutter has made me realize how I can use this struggle to help other people. I write because I want to encourage others to embrace who they are. I write because I don’t want people to be afraid of being different, because different is so special. Most of all, I write because I want to share my belief that God is good.
Talking openly about my stutter has torn down the walls. When the walls finally came down, I could start seeing the world again. I could start seeing others. A new light came pouring into my heart, showing me what a gift my stutter could be if I would just let it. Writing about my stutter has truly changed my life.
Is there an insecurity in your life that you are afraid to talk about? Start tearing down those walls, and let the light in.
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