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Looking Back on Depression, and What I Would Do If I Wasn't Afraid


I found an old journal entry recently. I wrote it in December 2015, one of the hardest times for me. I was at the height of my depression, struggling to get through each day. In part of this entry, I had made a list of things I would do if I wasn’t afraid.

After rereading this list, I was overcome with emotions. I laughed at some of the items, felt remorse for others, but mostly I saw how much I have grown and changed in the last year.

This list was a reminder I needed. It reminded me every day is a new day. It’s a new beginning, a new chance to become a better person.

When you think about life day by day, it’s hard to see how life could ever get better. But when you find a list of things you wanted to be able to handle and you see how strong you are now, that list seems a little silly.

It doesn’t matter what you can or can’t do each day. Your mental illness doesn’t define you. What defines you is how you deal with it.

So get up each day. You can have a bad day every once and a while, but try to get up every day. Do your hair, put your makeup on — or don’t. You don’t need it. Do something that makes you feel good every single day. And before you know it, it’s been over a year and you’ve found a list of things that used to make you anxious, and you realize how much you have survived.

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Thinkstock photo via Thomas_Zsebok_Images