To My Past Self Living With Borderline Personality Disorder


Dear past self,

In what feels like bottomless loneliness in life, don’t despair. Through all the darkness that seems to bind you, there is hope. At one point in your life, you will look at the shattered expectations surrounding you and think: This is it. That there is nothing worth living for. That just because things aren’t what you thought they should be, they are worthless. Nothing is worthless, especially you.

There are times where you will fail. You will lose your temper. You will say things you don’t mean and you will be sorry. You’ll be so sorry for who you are. There will be times you will want to give in to the darkness. But don’t underestimate your worth. You may be broken right now, but you are not worthless.

You will find in all the chaos, someone who quiets you. Someone who understands your rain. Someone who sees past the twisting roller coaster you ride and sees your worth. Never settle for less than that. Even if your reflection is like a funhouse mirror. Even if you cannot see yourself for who you truly are. You are worth so much more than just settling. So much more than just being comfortable.

Don’t be afraid. It’s hard. It’s so hard. But you will make it.

contributor photo

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Lead photo via Arkady Lifshits.

TOPICS
JOIN THE CONVERSATION

Related to Borderline Personality Disorder

little girl in soldier outfit

Loving My Mother Through the Mental Illness That Led to Her Death

I was 8 years old the first time my mother told me she was going to kill herself. Born to loving parents who had been married for nine years and growing up in an idyllic Maryland suburb outside Washington D.C., I got a solid start in life. But within a few years, my home life began [...]
watercolor portrait of a woman

How It Feels to Feed My Borderline

Maybe I called him because I was lonely, or maybe it was out of habit. I don’t remember why, but I was angry. Another borderline episode, I thought (and chose not to fight). Horrendously tearing him apart limb from limb, I was somehow still surprised when he said he wanted to leave. The aggressive beast [...]
concept with many interpretation, bisexuality,friendship,love, and so many others

Dear Future Lover, From a Woman With Borderline Personality Disorder

Dear future lover, Love me as a whole. I will give you my soul. When we get into a small fight, The fear that you will leave me feels right. When you say something I don’t like, I want to say, “Take a hike.” Baby, please stay. Accept my fear. Please, don’t shed a tear. [...]
illustration of a girl

When a Psychologist Said I Was 'Too Normal' to Have Borderline Personality Disorder

After my first ever romantic relationship crumbled, I slowly became convinced I was struggling with borderline personality disorder. Everything fit into place. I begged my ex to stay because the thought of him leaving me felt so overwhelming. My relationship with my ex afterwards – not to mention my relationship with my parents, even my [...]