The Picture I Paint of My Anxiety


I paint a picture.

A picture of a girl who emits a radiant glow, with a smile and a visual certainty she is happy. A girl who is put together — wearing a mask formed the way it was yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. A girl who giggles, and blushes, and smiles so bright yet so carefully to make sure she doesn’t attract too much attention. A girl whose life seems perfect, with close friends and family, a relationship, good grades; things desired by those who do not hold them.

Yet the girl could break.

At ease, the cracks are covered, camouflaged on the surface; but within, seeping through is doubt, fear and panic. You don’t see that, but it’s there. It’s always there.

The colors splashing across the picture consume the girl, but do you see the worry in her eyes? Or the tears rolling down her porcelain cheeks? One more tear could shatter her. A fragile masterpiece, a beautiful controversy, as her mind limits her potential of achieving the world.

I am that girl.

I paint a picture of myself, where I form a broken doll, and my anxiety holds the strings. Where will I go? What will I do? I can’t escape my canvas.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo via Archv

TOPICS
JOIN THE CONVERSATION

Related to Anxiety

blonde woman holding face in hands

How Anxiety Gets in the Way During a Typical Day

This morning I woke up and felt amazing after a good night sleep. I turned on some music and danced while I got ready for work. I left my house, got in my car and drove an hour to my job, singing all the way. I looked forward to my day. The sun was beaming [...]
A Woman holding sand in her hand. Text reads: what a good day looks like for someone with anxiety

What a 'Good Day' Looks Like for Someone With Anxiety

We talk a lot about what makes anxiety hard to live with, and while it’s important to share our struggles, we can’t forget to celebrate our victories, too. Even if “good days” with anxiety seem like “normal days” for someone else, it’s important to hold on to the fact that these good days are possible — [...]
an original oil painting of highly stylised image

What I Want the People Who Don't Understand My Anxiety to Know

I am fighting in a war, every single day. I’m a warrior, but I am encompassed by fear. My anxiety is 24/7. It doesn’t switch off when the lights go out. It can attack at any moment. Any time, any place, it can corrupt me wherever I am. Each day is different, unpredictable and impulsive. [...]
couple sitting together outside. The girl smells flowers

12 Things to Remember When You Love Someone With Anxiety

This piece was written by Kirsten Corley, author of “But Before You Leave“ As someone with anxiety, I’m inclined to assume everyone is going to leave. So much so, sometimes I’m the one to ruin a relationship. The truth is I battle something I can’t control, and I get insecure when it comes to relationships. I [...]