The 'Homework Assignment' Helping Me Learn to Love Myself
Editor’s note: If you live with an eating disorder, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “NEDA” to 741-741.
Do you go to a therapist? I’m sure most of us do, that’s why we gel as a community, right? We are a unified tribe that all need a little help from our friends to get by.
As someone who struggles with anxiety, my “mental hamster wheel” often turns inward with self-hatred and verbal abuse. My most common default is negative thoughts about my body. I struggle with loving myself. A lot. However, I am trying to learn to love me. All of me. Because I’m tired. I’m tired of beating myself up emotionally for not being “thin.” I am tired of trying to look “normal” and pretty. I’m tired of not loving me regardless of what I look like. I want to love me because my daughter is watching and absorbing, but I also want to love me because life would be much better if I did.
Now we come to the main purpose of this story. How do we learn to love ourselves? I have spent many hours in therapy, and I’ll tell you, I think I might have finally found something that helps. After my therapist gave me a homework assignment that didn’t quite work for me, I revised it. Hers was an “I choose not to weigh today because…” kind of paragraph. I was to read it in the mornings when I would usually weigh and beat myself up for the number on the scale. I learned quickly it just didn’t motivate me. What did wind up motivating me was rephrasing my paragraph and writing a “why I choose to love myself…” paragraph.
So today, I’m sharing with you something I hope will motivate you to write your own paragraph no matter what you struggle with. This is my paragraph. I hope it inspires you.
Today I choose to love my body because it has never deserted me. I choose to love my body because it has carried me miles and miles. I choose to love my body because it has made two beautiful children. I choose to love my body because it doesn’t deserve to be hated. I choose to love my body because it houses me. I choose to love my body because it has carried me up the steps of the Eiffel Tower and the Great Wall of China. I choose to love my body because we are partners. I choose to love my body because my kids think it is a safe space. I choose to love my body because my body gives love to others and it deserves it the same in return.
This is not a permanent fix. I still struggle. I still have to pull out my paragraph, but it’s there. When I am feeling down about my body and I read it, it truly helps. I call it “positivity brainwashing.” May you brainwash yourself with positivity today and every day henceforth. You deserve to love yourself, and I do to.
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Thinkstock photo via g-stockstudio.