How a Loved One Helped Me Eat When I Was Struggling With Depression
Editor’s note: If you live with an eating disorder, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “NEDA” to 741-741.
Spending all my nights and days in bed took a huge toll on my physical health. After dealing with depression for a long time, I’d come to a point where I’d completely forgotten what being “normal” felt like. Depression became such a huge part of my identity that it became difficult to differentiate myself from my disorder.
I went for days without having a proper meal, or going out to eat. Even when I took the pain to get myself a meal, I realized how much appetite I’d lost in these months. Being on medicine never worked for me, and leaving them resulted in a heavy weight loss. I was at a point in my life where I’d started feeling my way of living was basically who I was. My thoughts were so clouded that I couldn’t identify how unhealthy my schedule was, even after many people came forward to point it out to me. At this point, when I couldn’t even think of having a healthy mind or body, a loved one decided to put me on an eating schedule.
From waking me up, to getting breakfast in bed and feeding me, this person went the distance to make sure I had three meals a day. This was amazing because I was formally a person who did not even have the strength to have one a few weeks earlier.
The initial days were not only annoying, but I felt my body couldn’t take so much of food, and I felt sick and heavy all the time. I felt my personal space was violated, and I did everything to push aside this help. My loved one never stopped trying to help me.
In no more than a month’s time, my body started getting used to this food schedule. So much so that I started getting up to get food for myself on the usual assigned eating hours. Instead of sleeping through lunch, my body growled and made me get up to get something to eat, a feeling so different to me that it gave me tremendous hope for recovery.
The hope of recovery was such a motivating factor that I started investing more time on myself. I started getting up early, getting out of bed, going out of my room and fetching myself good meals. In the initial days, I surrounded my schedule around food, and eventually everything started falling into own place. I started getting back at work, as I had more energy and zeal. I’d stopped feeling exhausted all the time, and my body now supported my mind to face the world.
This feeling of being healthy felt so new, like I’d forgotten how it felt. The feeling of doing things easily, which most seemed to do on a regular basis, felt like an achievement. This felt like a reward to keep myself going.
A loved one might have done a basic deed of feeding me regularly, but now that I look back at it, I realize how beautifully that brought the changes in me I feel today. I feel stronger as a person, I feel healthy, and more than that, I feel beautiful. Maybe I love myself a little more!
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Unsplash photo via Joshua Newton.