When You Don't Feel Like You Deserve to Be Celebrated on Mother's Day

Mother’s Day is coming.

Two more days.

A day dedicated to mothers who strive over blood, sweat and tears to be the best parent they can be.

A day I don’t feel I deserve.

I love my daughter, more than life itself. I try to be a good mom, but sometimes I fall short.

As I watch my sweet child devour yet another lunchable for dinner, my heart breaks. She should be eating a healthy home cooked meal, not living off of microwavable foods with little to no nutrition yet full of sodium and MSG.

She shouldn’t be an easy target for my frustrated outbursts when I’m overwhelmed — even if she happens to be the reason.

She shouldn’t have to ask for attention on the days I’m struggling the most, especially because I coddle her insatiably and that’s what she’s used to. Seeing mommy distant and withdrawn doesn’t mean the same to her as it does to me.

Sure, I cuddle her. Sure, I remind her multiple times a day that I love her. And I absolutely love our girls’ nights in and girls’ days out. But is that enough?

No, not in my eyes. She needs a mother who cooks for her. Who sets an example of cleaning the house at the end of the day to start fresh for the next. She needs a mom who never raises her voice and gives all of my attention to her.

I fear that when she is of school age, she won’t be able to participate in sports, extracurricular activities or sleepovers. I fear I won’t be able to help her make good grades by assisting her with homework each night.

I work hard, and try every day, to be a better mom. But no matter what, I feel like a failure. And nobody gets it. No one understands why functioning at other mother’s levels is near impossible for me.

I long to be that mom that does it all: works, cooks, cleans, attends social events, participates in school functions, etc. But I am almost certain I’ll never be that mom. And that hurts.

It’s a crappy feeling to have. Feeling like a failure as a mom, guilt for being a failure as a mom, and fear that I’ll never be good enough.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Unsplash photo via Peignault Laurent

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Mental Health

two people sitting on edge of pier or platform with dark clouds in distance and drink can between them

How Can You Help Someone With a Mental Health Issue?

Depression comes at us with a one-two punch from every angle in life, whether it’s affecting someone we know or we’re experiencing it ourselves. With an estimated 54 million Americans struggling with some form of mental disorder in a given year, we can’t just throw a pillow over our heads and hide. No one chooses [...]
white flower growing on crack street, soft focus, blank text

How I Define 'Hope' as Someone With a Mental Illness

Hope – hōp/ – noun 1) Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. 2) Hope is the act of trusting in something. Hope – hōp/ – verb 1) Hope is wanting something to happen. Many 20-year-olds are hoping to finish college. They hope their major is the right one. They [...]
woman at window

Answering 'So What Are You Doing Now?' When Mental Illness Keeps You From Working

The dreaded question that apparently everybody feels compelled to ask when they haven’t seen you in a while: “So what are you doing now?” Such a loaded question, full of pressure and expectation. “You’re in your 20s, recently graduated, surely you must be doing something?” I’m unable to work at the moment. Each day is a [...]
Illustration of pigeons and a woman's face with the text "It's OK to ask for help."

11 Instagram Accounts You Should Be Following During Mental Health Month

As part of Mental Health Awareness Month, Instagram is rolling out a new campaign, #HereForYou, to highlight how supportive the mental health community can be. “Every day, people use Instagram to share their mental health journeys and connect with communities of support,” Instagram wrote in a blog post. “From dedicated accounts tackling real issues, to [...]