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The Times I Realize I Have Anxiety


I have anxiety.

I realize this as I start my day. My students do little things that get under my skin. I am quickly irritated. I feel my heart race as I feel helpless in changing my class.

I have anxiety.

I realize it when I drive home from work, and am constantly fidgeting. I turn the air on/off, on/off. I open the window, close the window. I turn the radio on/off, on/off, change the station. I eat a snack, then switch, eat another.

I have anxiety.

I realize it when I get home from work and I feel completely drained. I have no desire, no motivation to plan lessons, to continue to think about the next day, or even the motivation to get out of bed. I do it anyway.

I want to get better.

I want to be excited for each day of teaching. I want to feel content. I want to feel the tension go away.

I have anxiety.

I go to therapy to talk through my struggles. I write my thoughts daily in a journal, to put them all together. I am trying to pursue things I enjoy (or could enjoy).

I have anxiety.

But I am trying to get better. My anxiety is a part of me, but it is not all I am.

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Thinkstock photo via JupiterImages.