The New Barometer I Use to Understand When I'm Struggling With My BPD


I haven’t written in quite some time. It’s not that I was lazy. I just couldn’t.

As a contributor to The Mighty, I’ve realized the process of writing and sharing my thoughts with everyone has been very cathartic. Why then have I not written anything in over two months? Simply because I’ve been struggling recently with my issues, and when it gets really bad, I avoid doing what’s good for me. Previously I’d know when I was spending less time exercising or simply avoiding going out with friends. Now I have a new barometer: my contributions — or lack of — to The Mighty.

Writing for The Mighty was often a way for me to empower myself and others. When I’m at my lowest, I feel I simply do not have the strength to even exist. Writing at that time seems even more daunting. And strangely so, the moment I put pen to paper — or in this case finger to keyboard — I immediately calm down and seem to gain perspective.

So today, I decided to push through all the thoughts, beliefs and moods that kept me away from opening up to my fellow suppress and readers. And here I am!

To everyone reading this, it can be difficult to begin to do the things you know will make you feel better. My advice is to find the one activity you love that’s the easiest to begin. Ignore what your thoughts say about it not being worth it. And plough through the starting bit! Give yourself credit even if you took just one step more than yesterday or spoke to one more person than you otherwise would. Because you alone know what you overcome to reach there. And because you alone know that you deserve to revel in the success of your efforts. Just as I am now.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo via Mila_1989.

TOPICS
JOIN THE CONVERSATION

Related to Borderline Personality Disorder

Young beautiful woman with colored face

The Poem That Helps Me Cope With the Challenges of BPD

For so many years I have struggled, as have so many others, but what I find works best for me as a daily affirmation to myself to keep on moving forward is the poem below. I don’t always get to write daily, and when I cannot, I do see a difference in my emotional health, [...]
woman's back

To My Past Self Living With Borderline Personality Disorder

Dear past self, In what feels like bottomless loneliness in life, don’t despair. Through all the darkness that seems to bind you, there is hope. At one point in your life, you will look at the shattered expectations surrounding you and think: This is it. That there is nothing worth living for. That just because [...]
little girl in soldier outfit

Loving My Mother Through the Mental Illness That Led to Her Death

I was 8 years old the first time my mother told me she was going to kill herself. Born to loving parents who had been married for nine years and growing up in an idyllic Maryland suburb outside Washington D.C., I got a solid start in life. But within a few years, my home life began [...]
watercolor portrait of a woman

How It Feels to Feed My Borderline

Maybe I called him because I was lonely, or maybe it was out of habit. I don’t remember why, but I was angry. Another borderline episode, I thought (and chose not to fight). Horrendously tearing him apart limb from limb, I was somehow still surprised when he said he wanted to leave. The aggressive beast [...]