How Chiropractic Care Has Helped Treat My Fibromyalgia


Editor’s note: The following is based on an individual’s experience and shouldn’t be taken as medical advice. Please consult your doctor before going on or off medication or starting a new treatment.

“What’s the best kind of doctor to see?”

Oftentimes, I see this question posted in a large fibromyalgia group on Facebook.

Most people tell the original poster to see a rheumatologist. However, I have a different suggestion. After ruling out more serious problems, why not see a chiropractor?

Fibro patients are typically referred to a rheumatologist. These specialists treat conditions involving pain, such as arthritis, bursitis, tendonitis and fibromyalgia. They prescribe medications to alleviate the symptoms.

I know some medications can lead to a better quality of life, for some people. But sometimes they can cause serious side effects. So I’ve decided to go another way.

Chiropractors also treat pain. They specialize in pain. If pain didn’t exist, they’d go out of business.


Right up front, though, I need to point out that I’m not a medical doctor. I can’t give medical advice. Everything you read here is my personal opinion only. It comes from my own perspective of treating my widespread body pain naturally, without drugs.

Were there times I wished a drug was available, to banish my pain for good? Absolutely. However, I know this isn’t realistic. So instead, I decided to place my bets on natural medicine. Seeing a chiropractor was one of the best things I ever did.

Right now, thanks to prayer and a slew of natural remedies, my health is much better than it used to be. I can do a lot more. I have more energy. I’m in much less pain. But I’m not cured. Every now and then, something comes up. Last year, it was excruciating upper back pain.

My homeopath prescribed a few remedies for this troublesome symptom. They didn’t work. Neither did essential oils, my “go-to” pain remedies.

So I went to see a highly recommended chiropractor. I think it’s important to find a good practitioner. If you don’t know of one, maybe someone at your local health food store can point you in the right direction.

My chiropractor spent an hour with me at the first visit. I’m convinced he belongs to a profession that doesn’t get enough respect. Chiropractors are highly trained medical experts, taught to heal without drugs. This doctor took a thorough medical history and then did an examination. (I didn’t even have to take my clothes off and change into a hospital gown.)

Looking at my spine, he noticed my neck was out of place. This, he determined, was the cause of my pain. Even though I felt the problem in my upper back, the root cause was in my neck.

My chiropractor gave me the choice of manual adjustments versus adjustments using a little punch-gun type of device. I chose the latter, since it’s supposed to be good for people with more sensitive bodies.

The treatments caused no pain. Actually, they felt kind of good. I had the sense I was in very good hands, and that my back would be fixed.

It was. After just eight sessions, my chiropractor said, “Now it’s time to turn you loose.” This nagging and infuriating pain hasn’t returned. I’ve had other aches and pains since then. But not in this part of my back.

On the wall of my chiropractor’s office, is an illustration of the human spine. It shows how this part of the body would look if it didn’t have skin. It also clearly explains how the spine is connected to every organ of the body. If there’s a misalignment, our body suffers. Correcting this can lead to better health, is what chiropractors believe.

As I mentioned earlier, I don’t think chiropractors get enough respect. These doctors study for four to five years, much of it spent in clinical training. They know so much about the human body, but from a different perspective.

Are there bad chiropractors? Yes, I’m sure there are, just as there are bad medical doctors. The trick in any discipline is to find an honest and competent professional, one who has your best interests at heart.

I’ve noticed that chiropractors tend to know a lot about nutrition. So, in addition to adjustments on your spine, these doctors can give general wellness advice. They can also recommend their favorite supplements, specifically designed to reduce inflammation naturally, without drugs.

I know this might sound as if I’m getting paid by a chiropractic organization to write this article. But I’m not. I’m just really happy with the care I received, and I want to tell others about my experience. Depending upon your state, chiropractic visits may even be covered by insurance.

In the interest of full disclosure, there is one drawback to chiropractic care. One is that you may feel a temporary increase in pain following your visit. I know I did. This seems to happen especially during the first visits.

My chiropractor calls it “retracing.” It’s similar to what happens in homeopathy. After taking a homeopathic remedy, you may notice you feel worse for a day or two. The troublesome symptoms you’re trying to get rid of may get more intense.

I’ve used a lot of different natural remedies and healing methods. So, for me, I see feeling worse after treatment as a good sign.

Retracing may not happen with everyone. But it did for me. I didn’t mind, because I knew good things would follow.

Whether you should see a chiropractor to treat your pain naturally is a question I can’t answer. This type of care is not for everyone. Some people are definitely more comfortable sticking with mainstream medicine. But if you’d like to try something different, my experience with chiropractic care has been positive. That’s why I’ll continue to tell people about this unique form of healing.

Follow this journey on Organic Palace Queen.

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Thinkstock photo via ChesiireCat.


To My Boyfriend: Please Don't Give Up on Me and My Fibromyalgia


Dear boyfriend,

You have done such a great job at making me feel loved lately.

The problem is fibromyalgia can make it really hard to love yourself. I need you to understand some things I think have you confused lately.

This flare has been hard on us.

I want you to know I’m not neglecting my pile of clothes on the floor. It’s growing not because I’m feeling lazy, but because after I do the dishes every morning I need to lay back down for a while. My body is tired.


I want you to know I feel like I’m failing you and I’m failing myself each time I have to climb back under my heating pad while we’re supposed to be cuddling.

I want you to know I hate this kind of attention. I don’t do this because I want to be coddled. I know you can’t see it, but the pain is real.

I want you to know I beat myself up for not sticking to my diet and not hitting the gym regularly. I’m afraid I’ll become ugly to you. I’m afraid I’ll begin to look on the outside the way I feel on the inside.

I want you to know that even though I have spent a lot of time tucked away in a different room, I still love you the same as I always have, if not more, for the simple fact that you are beside me throughout this.

I want you to know I am not giving up, I’m not “playing dead,” I just have to cope for a while.

I want you to know my anger towards you isn’t because of you. It’s because of the pain, and I’m sorry.

Please don’t give up on me, I’m trying not to give up on me too.

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Thinkstock photo via gpointstudio.


How Yoga and Meditation Have Improved My Life With Fibromyalgia


The past seven years or so I chose to adopt a consistent radical self-care routine. It evolved from the drill sergeant approach I began with – the all or nothing routine – into a much more forgiving space for me to just be with myself. When I began, I did yoga or meditated or exercised to change how I was feeling and if I didn’t feel better afterwards, I classed myself as a failure. I felt guilty for still feeling shitty even after applying a myriad self-help techniques to my situation, so I’d quit and try again a week or so later when the fatigue subsided or when the next mini-crisis or flare-up occurred and needed to be addressed. Now, I take a much more light-hearted approach to it. It’s slow and consistent, and that’s the difference.

woman practicing yoga

I have followed Sara Avant Stover’s book, “The Way of The Happy Woman,” the past year or so as I relate to her use of Ayurvedic principles as an Ayurvedic Therapist myself, especially those she recommends within the yoga practices, specifically created for women to attune to their cycle and that of the season. As fibromyalgia causes hypersensitivity, I am pretty sure this hypersensitivity is not only applied to pain but to all feelings, seasonal changes and hormone fluctuations within the body – the latter I have found to be true.

woman practicing yoga at home

But what can we do to help our body and mind process the pace of our daily lives, chronic pain and difficult situations thrown on top? We need to build up a savings account of awareness and embodiment, not just apply them at the time of the flare-up or crisis. If you do not have a savings account, there is no time like the present to start. Even if it is during a crisis, a positive effect will occur if you apply a mindful salve – maybe it’s a few breaths, maybe it’s mindful practice of a musical instrument or even letting yourself cry. c

We see mindfulness advertised everywhere now on TV, social media, apps, in magazines and online. I, like many other chronic illness thrivers, do my best to be mindful when I can and have to let the rest fall away for now. But I’m always open to trying something new. That’s why I got excited this week when some new resources were kindly shared with me from another person with chronic pain. One is that of the Beaumont Hospital website. They have relaxation meditations, active muscle relaxation techniques, autogenic training, body scans and so much more! If you are bored of your mindfulness routine or are curious about different techniques, I highly recommend taking a few minutes to browse their selection and see if one appeals to you.

woman practicing yoga next to her dog

The other shared by Chronic Pain Ireland is a free course that is coming up thanks to The Centre for Pain Research at NUI Galway, with the support of the Health Research Board. It is currently recruiting people with two or more chronic health conditions to take part in a research study. The Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) trial will provide eight online sessions to people in the comfort of their own home. At the moment, such supports are scarce and generally aimed at the self-management of specific chronic conditions, such as diabetes or chronic pain. The free online sessions in the ACT program will focus on values and goals that are individual to each person in the trial. Participants will be provided with instructions on a range of activity-pacing techniques to encourage more consistent levels of activity from day to day.

(For further information, you can contact the research team at the Centre for Pain Research, NUI Galway: email [email protected] or phone 091-495832. GPs or physiotherapists who are interested in referring suitable patients to the trial can also use these contact details.)

woman wading in the ocean

While yin yoga and meditation are my main medicines for fibromyalgia, they’re not the only things I use to soothe it, but they do help reset me every morning. Especially with chronic insomnia – that many of you will be able to relate to – yin yoga is more refreshing for me than my sleep. I noticed this at the yoga and meditation retreats I stayed at in the far east too. The more we practiced, the less sleep we needed, and a 4:00 a.m. start became the norm for us, whereas now I’d be lucky to be asleep before 4:00 a.m.

woman practicing yoga at home

Luckily for me my practice has allowed me to return to work part-time this year, but we are all different and it may not be the case for everyone. I’m completely aware of this – I’m just noting what’s helped me so far. I by no means have returned to full capacity, but I have grown and feel this to be a far more valuable achievement (take your wins where you get them). It didn’t happen of my own accord either, but by connecting with my family more authentically and with support groups and therapy that have allowed me the opportunity to learn from others, get over myself a bit (still working on this) and out of this very slow-burning practice, a love and respect has appeared to help me choose more wisely the people I spend my time with, the things I will put my body through and an inkling for the better person I want to be in this world to help others.

photo of woman wrapped in blanket next to photo of woman in a studio

If you want to share your own experience below, I’d love to hear from you or leave a link to your blog if you want to share your own story.

If you made it this far I thank you and encourage you to connect if you want help with your chronic illness. There is no need to struggle alone.

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How to 'Beat the Heat' This Summer If You Have Fibromyalgia


Do you have problems regulating heat? Are you sensitive to weather changes? Does the heat make you sick?

Many people with fibromyalgia find the better weather usually means less pain, but they find themselves with a new problem: the heat makes them very, very sick!

Unfortunately, that seems to be a common problem.

Fortunately, we can do things to keep ourselves cooler, starting with our homes. If you don’t have central air conditioning, it is probably worth the small investment for a window or portable unit.

Keep your bedroom cool, even if just using fans. Having somewhere you can sleep is one of the most important things you can do. Getting a restful night’s sleep is challenging enough. Trying to do it when you are hot is miserable!

You can find other tips for cooling your home here.

Once our house is cooler, we are halfway there!


Take special care to use sunscreen. Some medications might make your skin more sensitive to the sun.

But we can’t stay in our cool and hopefully air-conditioned houses all summer…not if we want to enjoy it, even a little bit! So, what can you do to help keep cool this summer?

– Be picky about the time of day. Avoid being outside during the “hottest” parts of the day, usually between 11:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. If you have a choice, spend these hours indoors!

– Choose your clothing wisely; light-colored, loose and breathable clothing will be cooler. Wearing a hat, especially one with a wide brim. This will protect your face from the sun. Sunglasses (polarized) will help to protect your eyes – a necessity if you get migraines.

– Stay hydrated. If you feel thirsty, you are already dehydrated – or that’s what I have been told all my life. The minimum you need is eight glasses a day, more if the temperature is higher and you’re sweaty! One of my personal favorites is ice water with lemon, but you can infuse water with all kinds of fruits!

  • Make it a habit to have a reusable water bottle with you whenever you go out.
  • Something I learned from one of the many times I have had heat exhaustion, is to make sure to include something with salt to help balance electrolytes.

– Make sure to eat something! Save the heavier meals for cooler days, and stick to light and refreshing choices. These are the perfect days for sandwiches, salads and fresh fruit. Outdoor BBQ-ing is another great option! Or just order in.

Some Great Tips…

I recently asked my family, friends and a Facebook group I love what tips they had to “beat the heat” this summer and they had some great ideas!

Plenty of people choose to stay indoors; a general agreement was the need for A/C.

And a whole lot of people said they spend the time in water…either a local pool, the beach or a lake. The cool water is definitely a favorite!

Some other ideas included…

“Use a spray bottle filled with water and a few peppermint essential oil drops, spray on skin and it will cool you down.” One I didn’t know, and am looking forward to trying (I mixed in five drops to about three ounces of water, but it’s raining today.)

“I take showers to cool off – really helps before bedtime,” “running water over my wrists and feet” and “going to bed with damp hair” were a couple other great ideas!

“Cold compresses” was another, either using a regular damp facecloth or towel (put the facecloth in a Ziploc in the freezer for drip-proof version).

“Cooling cloths” from a store (I found some at my local Winners store and Amazon online). You wet it, wring it out and it stays cold for hours and doesn’t drip and get you all wet. Perfect to take anywhere, even to bed! Using one on the back of your neck can help cool you down.

And if you have a family, spend a day at the water or spray park. Jump in when you’re hot, sit in the shade when you’re not…and spend some quality time with the “little ones.” Take a picnic.

And a Couple of Fails…

I have heard of people putting sheets and pillows in freezers before bed for a more comfortable sleep… I can see the pillow, but by the time I remake the bed with the sheets from the freezer, those sheets wouldn’t be cold anymore!

A friend suggested eating spicy food, as it apparently drops your body temperature and makes you sweat. Personally, I don’t need any help sweating, and spicy food doesn’t agree with my tummy, so nope, not for me!

Do you have any tips or tricks to beat the summer heat?



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Thinkstock photo via Chitra Tatachar.



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Learning to Manage the Physical and Emotional Pain After My Diagnoses


As a child, my health was generally good. As an adult, things have been much less straightforward.

My health waxed and waned throughout my 20s. I moved to a city I adored, made friends, lost friends, explored art and music and had a career. It was a beautiful, exciting time in my life that also brought great pain. It reminds me of one of my favorite movies, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” However tumultuous, I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. Looking back, they are hazy like a dream and crystal clear at the same time. How, I don’t know.

Things calmed down considerably for me as I ventured into my 30s. I was enjoying my chosen profession and I spent most time with family and a few friends. I had some health issues, but nothing particularly alarming.


In 2015 I became very ill. I experienced severe weight loss, stabbing pains in my gut, fatigue beyond description, and gastrointestinal issues. I had also been plagued by intermittent tingling in my hands. I went to two doctors and they told me I was vitamin-deficient and suggested I take supplements and laxatives.

I knew deep down there was something more going on, so I went for a third opinion. In April 2016, I was finally diagnosed after years of struggling. I have celiac disease. It is not an allergy or a fad, and it sure as heck isn’t going away. It is a serious autoimmune disorder, the only treatment being lifelong adherence to a gluten-free diet. With this diagnosis came hope. It was tangible, understandable and I could say with confidence what was wrong and how to fix it. Oh, how little I knew about my own illness.

I sat back and waited for the symptoms to subside, to feel better. But instead, I felt worse. After several more tests it was confirmed my gallbladder was chock full of stones. It was explained to me that many people with Celiac Disease have this comorbid condition. I subsequently had a cholecystectomy.

After my surgery things just weren’t right. I didn’t heal in the estimated time frame, and had to extend my leave of absence from work. I continued to have pain but now instead of stabbing pain, I felt a dull ache that radiated from my phantom gallbladder to my pelvis to my back. “Man, this is some slow healing,” I thought. I returned to work functioning at approximately 70 percent. I took it slow. My coworkers were very understanding and accommodating. I am grateful for that. The pain never went away though, it just kept getting worse.

By early 2017 it was a struggle to get out of bed.  I could barely walk some days. Then “some days” turned into “most days” and “most days” turned into “every day.” Upon waking, the second my feet hit the floor in the morning, my whole body was ignited by the most excruciating pain. Pain that began at the base of my neck, traveled the length of my spine, through my joints to my feet. By now peripheral neuropathy had limited function in my hands to five-to-10 minute intervals. I had debilitating insomnia. I had to pee all the time. I have never experienced an overactive bladder before, and that is some uncomfortable stuff. I found myself missing more work than I was OK with. I have always prided myself on my work ethic and it sucks when your body takes you hostage.

After countless scans, tests and biopsies, my struggling was given a new name. Fibromyalgia. So, the good news is I have validation. My pain is real. The other good news is I am not dying. Bad news? Again, no cure. Am I gonna struggle more? Yeah.

I am currently in this awkward space of trying to figure it out. How do I manage this pain? How do I go to work in this pain? How do I emotionally accept my situation? How do I keep myself from becoming isolated? How do I maintain my sense of self? Sometimes I find myself getting very angry that my life has become so limited. It’s only natural to feel the feelings. And I make sure to feel them. Each and every one. The pain, sadness, confusion, fear, hopelessness. That doesn’t mean I am giving up. I’m just working through it.

Please do not misunderstand me: I am grateful for every day I am given. But even more than that, I am grateful for the lessons I have been taught. My experience has been tremendously humbling. We should never judge one another or make assumptions based on how things appear to us. You never know what someone is dealing with, the roads they have been forced to travel or how alone they may feel due to chronic illness.

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Thinkstock photo via Zoonar RF.


10 Things That Surprised Me About Fibromyalgia


I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia almost 15 years ago now, and as soon as I was diagnosed I went online to research everything I could find. What I found was not a lot of information. Unlike now, there really wasn’t much on this disease at all then.

Every morning I put on my face and didn’t let anybody know how bad it was. There were days I was so tired I honestly do not know how I coped. Every day I laughed with my coworkers, giggled with my kids, kept up with my friends and was a good partner to my husband.

The literature I found on the disease really did not give me an outlook on what the future would be like. There was nothing in anything I read to let me know that gradually over time it would get worse and worse, that every day would become a struggle, that my house would be a mess on a constant basis and that there were some days I would barely make it out of bed.

And, the literature never told me a lot of the things I’m going to tell you about now – the following 10 things that probably surprised me the most. Little did I know that within 11 years of being diagnosed, I would no longer be working as a result of conversion disorder which super-sized my fibro, that falling up or downstairs would become normal, that every morning I would need an hour and a half just to be able to push the pain back enough to be able to function for the day.

Two years later, I would have to give up driving as fibro was affecting my eyesight more and more. My life completely changed four years ago. I became what they call chronically ill, as the conversion disorder tripped me into a permanent fibro flare. Things that at one time had seemed so easy were now things I struggled to manage every day. I need a cane to keep my balance, and a walker now and again when I get really bad. A wheelchair is needed if I am traveling or doing something as simple as going to the mall.

So here we go, here is my list of the 10 things that surprised me because they either weren’t in the literature of the time, or they were considered to be rare symptoms of fibromyalgia. A couple of good things are mixed in as well – nothing can be all bad.

1. Fatigue

I did not know it was possible to be so tired – that even when you woke up in the morning you would be exhausted just going to the bathroom. I didn’t know trying to do my housework or even getting dressed would tire me out so badly that my legs would literally give out. How is it that you can be so tired, even breathing feels like a chore? Then when it’s time to sleep, you can’t. You might be able to for 45 minutes or so but then you have to get up and move around because the pain is so bad. Broken nights contribute heavily to the fatigue, but even on rare occasions when I do sleep through the night, I wake up exhausted. I would never have believed that taking a shower could become a major undertaking and that I would be so tired afterwards it could take up to two hours for me to be able to get up and function.

2. Fibro Fog

Although the things I read told me about fibro fog, it is not really understandable until you’re going through it. I didn’t know I would forget what I was speaking about in the middle of a sentence, that I would forget the name of my husband or child, that words which should come easily to me don’t and that stuttering would become a way of life as I struggle to find the words.

Of all the things associated with fibromyalgia, this is the one I find hardest to deal with. How embarrassing to forget your best friend’s name or where she lives or her phone number; how embarrassing to be talking to your husband of 26 years and not be able to recall his name; how devastating to be speaking to your child and not able to recall their name. On those days when it is really bad, it hurts me so much to know that at some point I will hurt somebody’s feelings by not being able to remember what they are called.


3. Journaling

This one actually surprised me a lot. Who knew journaling every day would be able to give me a look back at how I have progressed over time? My tip to anyone who is struggling with chronic illness of any kind: keep a journal. It will give you the opportunity to remember the good days, the great days and the wonderful days.

It will give you the opportunity to look back on those very black days when depression and anxiety had you so down you actually believed it would be better if you weren’t here. It will make you remember the reasons it’s better you are here.

In my journal, I write down quotes I find inspiring, things I really want to remember and who I talked to each day. I write down project ideas, recipe ideas and think of ways to make my housekeeping easier (for heaven’s sake, it takes me 45 minutes just to make the bed). The journal is like my memory for those days when it isn’t very good.

4. Loneliness

This one I guess I should have expected – that one by one the friends would all drop away, that I would have to cancel on them at the last-minute or just flat-out say no. It seems so funny to me I have friends all over the world online that I speak to at least a couple of times a week but those who were closest to me are no longer there. I have made some very strong friendships online but all of my friends who live close by I never see any more.

5. The Itch

In all of the literature I read on fibromyalgia, they mentioned the possibility of being itchy, but that it was a mild symptom and not everyone has it. They lied. Sometimes the itching is so bad I literally cut myself with my nails from scratching. It does not matter how much cream I use or any of the other itching remedies everyone recommends – the itch is unrelenting. There is not a time when some part or other is not itching. I have learned to be careful with just how much I scratch.

6. People

I am surprised all the time by the bad manners of people and then I am pleasantly surprised at the kindness of others. The number of times I have been walking towards the door and instead of maybe helping me out by holding it for me, the person just lets it go even though they have seen me coming. On the other hand, there are wonderful people who not only see me coming that then hold the door for me or offer to help me in some way but say something to give me a laugh or to make me smile.

For instance, I was at the nail salon yesterday to get my pedicure (I can no longer reach my toes without losing my balance and getting dizzy, even when sitting down) and there was the most wonderful lady and her husband also having a pedicure. She was about to turn 80 and he was getting very close to 90. She literally had me in hysterics the whole time we were there. I once wrote a post about kindness and how it was becoming a lost virtue; I can tell you with absolute certainty that not all the kindness is gone.

The other thing about people is they all think they have the answer or the cure for my problem. The fact that I tell them their cures and suggestions are all things I’ve already tried doesn’t seem to faze them. They are convinced there must be something I can do that will stop the disease in its tracks, or they plain just don’t believe you could have something that can’t be fixed.

7. Body Temp

Reading up on fibromyalgia, I discovered I was going to have problems with my body temp; since I was already going through menopause, this was not good news. I had already gone through the night sweats and the hot flashes were still running me down, but then along comes fibromyalgia, and as it progressed, the temperature swings became worse. When I was cold, I was freezing and when I was hot, it was hard to breathe. I would be literally dripping from the ends of my hair during the hot flashes amplified by fibromyalgia; and three or four blankets plus a couple of sweaters could not get me warm, because being cold was also amplified by fibromyalgia. I am mostly past the hot flashes now. I only get them now and again. For me, it is mostly the cold that takes over and that I have to deal with, but every now and again I’ll be lying in bed and the furnace goes on and it’s not a night sweat and it’s not a hot flash – it feels entirely different. The heat is, at times, unbearable – almost like you are in one of those places with super high humidity and heat.

8. Trading Off 

It has become a game of trade-off; if I do this today, how little am I going to get done tomorrow? Should I do the dusting knowing tomorrow the only thing I might be able to do is shower, or should I leave the dusting for today and hopefully be able to put a meal on the table and play with the dogs and who knows, maybe – just maybe – I might be able to do a load of laundry as well? See what I mean? The trade-off every day; what can I do today that won’t incapacitate me for tomorrow? It is a constant balancing act.

9. Online Friends

I think one of the biggest surprises for me was just how many people with chronic illness I would meet online. How meeting them made me feel not quite so alone. Talking to others and discovering how they spent their days and learning about the compromises they made helped me to figure out my own system for getting things done. I have talked to so many whose conditions are more severe than mine, and yet our spirits are still high and each and every one of us still hopes that in the end, the medical establishment will eventually find a way to help and maybe even cure us.

10. The Guilt

Nobody understands just how guilty you feel not being able to do the things you used to. For instance, it has become normal for my house to be a mess, as my bad days far outweigh my good days. I know my floor needs to be washed but if I do that then I am literally going to be laid up for two or three days to recover from it.

The same holds true if I attempt the dusting, the vacuuming, the bathrooms, the laundry, just about any household chore. I have a cleaning schedule I made up that allows for latitude and how much gets done in a day. Some days I have to stay almost motionless so I can make dinner that night.

As one might expect, the guilt of sitting down on my rear end all day and not getting done even a third or a quarter of what you had planned for that day is so weighty you feel like you have an elephant or gorilla sitting on your shoulder.

A good wife and Mum is supposed to keep the house clean (and yes, I know how old-fashioned that sounds but it was the way I was brought up), is supposed to cook meals every night, is supposed to be the one being leaned on when it is needed, not the other way around. Thank God for my husband – he is now and has always been the tower of strength I need when the guilt and pain overwhelm me, and he steps in and takes up whatever the challenge is. But, that also makes me feel guilty after he has worked all day and then has to come home sometimes to a wife who really cannot do anything some days.

Wrapping It Up…

If there was one thing I could say to people who do not have a chronic illness, it would be that this disease is real. We are not faking, we are not being lazy, we are not just trying to get out of working. We have real and, in some cases, horrible, horrible pain. You would be amazed how many people think and say that to our faces.

I would also like you to know I am not ignoring you when you tell me all I need is to get a little more exercise or get out of the house more or be more sociable. I am simply not willing to listen to people who have no idea what it’s like, and thus have no concept of how many times we have heard these same things over and over, even from family members at times.

I think it would surprise you to know just how much we force ourselves into appearing normal so people don’t know how much pain we are in. Many of us put a smile on every morning hoping we truly can hide just how badly we feel, but that smile is wiped from our faces the moment we step in our doors. We generally do not want your sympathy or your pity. We are warriors and we push ourselves every day to be the best wives, mothers, coworkers and friends we can be. We are stronger than you could possibly imagine because every day we have to struggle to get through the day knowing somebody somewhere thinks we are a fraud.

This post originally appeared on Barb’s Outlook.

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