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Holidays After the Passing of My Son


Another holiday has come and gone — they just keep on coming.

I find myself in a melancholy mood. So many memories preoccupy my mind, my heart, my soul. It’s graduation time. My son’s graduation was such a joyful event. I was waiting with his girl and friends with the limousine; he was running late as he so often did. When he arrived we all were gleeful. He not only rented a tux, he also had a top hat, spats and a cane. Always the “dude” and so very handsome. He was 6’1″, blondish hair, blue eyes and a beautiful smile.

Two months after he passed on, my youngest son graduated from high school and my eldest son graduated from college. I don’t know how we got through it all. It was all so bittersweet.

Then there is Memorial Day. The last time we were together for this we had our usual picnic and cookout in the backyard. My sons all had friends there. After we chowed down, the boys decided to go to the park and play a game of baseball. My little girl had just turned 8 so she and I sat on a park bench cheering everyone on. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful time. Of course, my three boys played fiercely. With them all being so close in age, they often challenged one another in many things. My eldest was very studious, always setting an example for his younger brothers. My son who is now in Heaven, was the social butterfly who made everyone laugh. My youngest would say he had the best of both worlds because his eldest brother taught him responsibility, while the middle one taught him how to enjoy life and have fun. After my son’s demise, I told the others that no matter what they were doing with their lives, they ought to never forget how to play. For a good decade or so, they continued to gather together on Memorial Day and go to an amusement park. But life goes on with bends and turns, so that finally came to an end.

Now, it’s just another day.

I will spend the day with my memories. There will be tears. There will also be smiles as I recall all of theirs. Although life had been difficult, at times, we also had many fun times filled with an abundance of love for one another. We were a team, a family. I’m so grateful for the years we did have together. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. The gain was worth the pain. I believe one day the joy shall return abundantly when all our tears and sorrow have ceased. Until that time, I will sit with my memories, for the good ones far surpass the bad.

May God’s Grace be with you all as we all ebb and flow at such a time as this.

Jude’s book, “Gifts from the Ashes,” is available at Direct Textbook.

Follow this journey on Jude’s website.

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Thinkstock image by Pam Walker