5 Minutes in an Anxious Mind When Getting Ready for Work
Today I don’t want to go to work.
I don’t want to go to work because I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t want to leave the house because the thought of leaving my home makes my chest clench even tighter. I don’t want my chest to clench this tight because when it does I can’t think straight. When it does, I can’t even make the most simple decision.
How many decisions stand between me and leaving the house?
How many decisions stand between me and a completed day of work?
What if I make the wrong one? What if I look stupid? What if I freeze? What if? What if?
The thought of leaving makes me freeze. How many things do I need to do before I leave this house? My room is a mess, I can’t find anything, I don’t have the right shoes for work, my pants don’t fit. How on earth have I put on this much weight? Why is it still here? What is happening to me?
I stare into the mirror. Twenty-five and in the worst shape of my life. I try and hold back the tears.
Do you know what the worst part is? I want to go to work. I want to be back to “normal.” Driven, ambitious, outgoing, confident. My normal. I want to snap out of it. I want every single self-help book to suddenly help again. Videos, research, connections. I know what I need to do, I know how to do it, so why is it so goddamn hard?
I know what to do, yet it is my own mind working against me to stop it.
It’s betrayal on the worst level.
We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.
Thinkstock photo via monkeybusinessimages