To You, My Ex-Psychologist
I wonder how you’re doing now.
I’ve gotten through my first year as a nursing student. Are you proud of me yet? When I saw you for the first time I had not even gotten through the beginning levels yet.
I’ve been thinking about you because I haven’t been having very good sessions with my current psychologist. We somehow seem to be at a standstill. I miss having sessions with you every week, when it honestly felt more like I was talking to a friend. The sessions we had were unique and honestly, things were hard, but I always felt like I was getting somewhere with you.
I first saw you when I was inpatient for the first time. I was scared of who my very first psychologist would be. You came in, introduced yourself and shook hands with me. Then we went into a room with your supervisor and I was able to click with you so quickly it honestly came as a surprise to me. You were the first stranger I was actually comfortable with.
You saw me twice during my week-long stay and then as outpatient weekly after discharge. Your sessions would be the reason why I even get through school; despite the panic attacks I have in school almost every day.
We would do the activity and mood table and go through them every session. I remember a skill you taught me specifically, the “and” skill. I clicked the most with that skill and you knew it. We were talking about my very difficult trip to Korea and you taught me this skill. i.e., my parents may be fighting and it isn’t my fault.
You aren’t just like any psychologists out there. You were still a student when I first saw you and I honestly did not know what to expect the first time because I don’t do well with interns at the hospital.
I want to thank you for making such a huge difference in my life and I want to let you know I still take out those DBT notes and read them. I think back on our sessions a lot, especially the last few ones we had before we had to say goodbye to each other.
You went out of your way, even though you weren’t obliged to. Of course I am referring to one specific event. I don’t think you would forget that either — the very day you had to walk me to the emergency room. It was raining cats and dogs and you could have gone home but instead, you sat by my side while I was hiding out under the blanket, refusing to talk to anyone. You were there for me. Somehow I always knew whenever you were there, I would be safe.
Not many people have achieved that level in my life and I’m so happy our paths crossed.
I wonder if you’re still studying now, pursuing your PhD maybe? I just wanted to thank you for coming into my life. It’s been a year. I wouldn’t be where I am now if it were not for you. You’re the reason why I still keep fighting.
I wish you well.
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Thinkstock photo via Adkasai