The 'Harry Potter' Quote That Gave Me a Reason to Stay

Recently, I’ve realized something about my suicidal thoughts I think a lot of other people can relate to. I’ve attempted suicide multiple times over the last six years and I think about it every day, but I don’t want to die. Truly, I don’t. 

I fear death more than I fear life. With death, I have no idea what happens, and that terrifies me. But with life, I know there are infinite possibilities for things to get better. If I were to choose death, I would miss out on any future experience — good or bad. And how can we recognize the good things and good people in our lives without having met or been through bad ones? If I choose death, I would miss out on my godson growing up. I wouldn’t get to see my dog grow old and grey. I would miss out on spending time with my mom, dad and grandma. I would lose any chance of meeting someone who potentially could be amazing. I’d have no chance of having a family of my own. I wouldn’t have any chance of experiencing a true moment or moments of happiness. I would never know how it feels to get better. That all sounds to good to pass up.

So when I say I’m suicidal, I don’t mean I want to die. I just want to live each day with a little less pain. Everyone says, “It gets better” or “It could be worse” and while both of those might be very true, the pain I’m going through means something to me and should be taken seriously. I know it’s easier to pick apart the reasons why you want to go, but those reasons to stay — as small, big, silly or serious as they might seem to others — they matter. No matter what your reasons, focus on them. Work for them. If they are important to you, it matters. You matter. You are important. As hard as it may be, you can always find a reason to stay.

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” — “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban”

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Photo via Harry Potter Facebook page.