How Endometriosis Caused Me to Struggle With Depression and Suicidal Thoughts
When I became sick at a very young age, my entire world shifted. Here I was at age 12, supposed to be celebrating my “womanhood,” my growth. Instead I was hit with endometriosis – a chronic invisible illness that has no cure, that is painful and debilitating.
No one knew what it was. I was given multiple treatment options and none of them worked. I gained weight, I had to drop out of school, I felt like I had lost everything. I felt like my childhood had been robbed from me. How would you feel? I was in a dark place. Endometriosis isn’t terminal, but it caused me to sometimes wish I was dead. I was depressed, but I felt like being depressed was wrong. I felt like I was in the wrong for feeling this way, but looking back on these years, I realize that maybe if I would have reached out sooner, things wouldn’t have been so hard.
You see, us endo warriors tend to get labeled as “crazy” or “drug-seekers” if they can’t find out what is wrong with us. I was accused by multiple doctors of “faking it” and that it was “all in my head.” I knew I wasn’t making it up, so I did what I thought was right and I rebelled. I refused to see a therapist because in my head, that meant that the bad guys won. Isn’t that sad?
I am now 22 years old. I’ve never been to a therapist, and I still have moments of depression. They come and they go. I’ve been through so much; I shouldn’t have to be ashamed of having moments of darkness. I am brave, I am strong and I am worthy.
I encourage anyone who is struggling with depression or negative thoughts to reach out and seek help. We shouldn’t have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We shouldn’t hold onto the guilt this illness can bring us. It’s OK to not be OK. It’s OK to have moments of doubt, it’s OK to struggle. It’s OK to not be perfect, to show emotion. It’s not OK to keep all of these thoughts in – they can eat away at you.
If you are an endo warrior like me (and even if you’re not!), reach out. I promise it’s not as scary as it seems. The hardest part is the first step. I love you guys!
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.
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My Name is Gage Paslay and I am 27 years old. I’ve been struggling with this invisible illness called Endometriosis since I was 12 years old. It’s chronic and I deal with pain everyday. There is no cure for it so it will forever be a part of me and it’s something i’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I have good days and bad. It takes 7 plus years just to receive a diagnosis and its often misdiagnosed. Over the years i’ve received different diagnosis and i’ve been on countless medications and treatments that haven’t worked. Luckily, I was finally diagnosed correctly In December of 2016 by laparoscopy, the only way to determine if you have it or not. However, it made my symptoms worse and I am now looking into excision surgery. My blog is really about bringing awareness to this debilitating chronic invisible illness. 1 in 10 people assigned female at birth have Endometriosis and so many of them haven’t received a diagnosis yet or they are waiting to have another surgery. Endometriosis impacts people in almost every aspect of their lives. How, when and if we can have children. How our cycles work and how long they may last. It gives us pain sometimes so debilitating we can’t even get out of bed in the morning. It messes with our mood. It also impacts our relationships with family and friends. It sometimes overpowers us and defines who we are. So this page is about me speaking out for myself and for everyone struggling from any kind of chronic illness. You aren’t alone. Together, we have each other. I know what its like to have no one, to feel like you are stuck in a dark hole and no one is willing to pull you out. I’ve been there. I want to show light to people who are struggling, I want to encourage others to speak up and stand up for themselves. This disease shouldn’t define us and it shouldn’t control us. You shouldn’t feel guilty for being sick because it’s not your fault. I struggle everyday AND i’ve survived every bad day I thought I couldn’t get through..I’m rising up everyday and so can you. If you’re interested in finding out more about Endometriosis, watch my videos, read my blogs and follow my journey. If You are a Endometriosis Warrior like me, follow me. Share them with your friends and family. React to them. My voice is one in many but I’m determined to make sure its heard. This is me taking a stand against anyone who has ever told me “Its all in my head” or “I’m overreacting” or “It ’s just period cramps”. #I’llRiseUp.
gagepaslay