How Logic's Song About Suicide Helped Me Find Hope for Recovery
Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.
I spent so much time in mental health recovery that seeing the light at the end of the tunnel seemed impossible.
I tried a large variety of medications and approaches to mitigate the symptoms. My journey began approximately one year ago with a diagnosis of depression. I began trying different medications but to no avail. Six months into treatment, I truly believed things would never get better, despite friends and family promising that things would. After trying over a dozen medications and different combinations, my doctor concluded my diagnosis was incorrect. Many of the medications she tried caused manic episodes that were extremely detrimental. Eventually, I received the correct diagnosis of type 1 bipolar disorder and began a different medication. However, I didn’t respond as expected. I became very frustrated and thought I would feel that low forever. At this point, I was so unpleasant to be around that people close to me threatened to leave. When I experience a severe depressive episode, it is so easy to not care if someone leaves because I already feel like a burden.
During this episode, rapper Logic released a single from his latest album “Everybody” called “1-800-273-8255” — the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The first time I heard it, I heavily identified with the first part where he is talking about not wanting to be alive. It helped me to realize there are lots of people in the world who understand what I am feeling and I am not alone. I listened to this song multiple times a day, hoping one day I could understand the second part of the song and have the desire to be alive.
A year later, I have successfully found the correct mixture of medications and my symptoms are manageable. I could never have dreamed I would find the light at the end of the tunnel. The question constantly going through my mind is now: what’s next? I’ve spent so much time in recovery that I have become extremely isolated. I have no idea how to blend into society without feeling like I have a giant label on my forehead. Even though I have found the light, I still have lots of work to do.
If you are feeling like you will never find recovery, I know you’ve heard it numerous times and you probably don’t believe it, but I promise: you will find the light, please hold on tight.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.
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