The 'Friends'-Themed New Year's Resolution I'm Making Instead of Trying a Diet or Detox
It was only December 2 when I first heard someone mention his January diet detox plans. In fact, if I think about it, I heard it back in August when someone spoke of her winter diet in 2017 vs. her new diet in January 2018 to plan for a summer trip to Ibiza in 2018, whilst not even out of the airport from Ibiza ’17. Apparently every month demands a new diet ritual to plan for a month that is half a year away.
In January gym memberships rise, liquidizer purchases surge, and I can guarantee you #newyearnewme will be used at least a thousand times a day both on Instagram and in real life.
Businesses thrive off our human insecurities. They take our cheese plate-derived pleasures and turn them into shame-fueled green juices, our hot chocolate-filled movie nights into guilt-filled gym sessions and our Sofa Sundays into sit ups and squats.
When I mention these thoughts to people I know who don’t have an eating disorder and have never spoken deeply to someone who does, they simply tell me to ignore these messages, overlook the advertisements that start by blaring out the words, ‘’What did you eat this Christmas?’’ or ‘’Summer is only five months away!’’ or ‘’Gym memberships half price for the next two weeks.” I am told to ignore the giant human bodies glaring at me to promote gym deals from the sides of buses stuck in traffic next to me. But for someone who has had voices in her head that tells me all these things over and over and over and over again, it’s hard to ignore. Trust me.
So this year I recommend taking your resolution from “Friends.” I take many things from this show, such as Phoebe’s dollhouse, Rachel’s style, the constantly sitting in coffee shops and Chandler’s exaggerated hand movements. Although I highly recommend all these things, I also recommend borrowing one of their famous resolutions (from season five, episode 11). I think as a human being right now in this somewhat tumultuous world, there are probably 1001 things you could do that would benefit you and society more than joining a gym, buying a spinach plant or cutting out mozzarella.
If you or someone you know has an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorders Association helpline: 800-931-2237.
So take your pick, or six:
1. Go gossip-free like Rachel.
2. Be like Chandler, and stop mocking your friends or at least their failings.
3. Decide alike Joey to learn a new skill such as playing the guitar (even if the intention behind it is for something on your résumé to actually be true). Let’s be honest, we all know you don’t actually know how to use Excel.
4. Partner up like Phoebe, and impart wisdom — that is, if you actually know how to use Excel.
5. I don’t think it is possible for any of us to be more Monica in 2018, so maybe reverse her resolution of taking more photos – and take fewer photos, unless it’s of your dog… always take a picture of your dog (and then send it to me).
6. Sorry, Ross, if someone asked me, “Who is your least favorite character in friends?” I would pick you. Nonetheless I hereby declare your resolution the best and will end by telling everyone else to just… “Be happy and do something you haven’t done before every single day.”
P.S. If you haven’t seen season five, episode 11, that can be your new thing today.
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