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I'm Done Making Excuses for the Texts I Ignore When I'm Depressed

I am done with making excuses for ignoring text messages. It’s not that my phone died and it didn’t glitch out. I didn’t get caught up at work and I wasn’t in a movie. I probably wasn’t asleep and I probably saw the text as soon as it came in.

Here’s what most likely happened:

You (text): Hey wyd Friday

Me (in my head): UGH. I haven’t replied to your last five messages and if I reply now I’ll have to apologize and make an excuse for those. Friday is five days away, but I have a million and one things to do before then. What if I’m sick when Friday comes around or my car breaks down or there’s a family emergency? If I commit to plans now, I’ll have to cancel on Friday. Again. I’ll feel like a terrible friend. Again. I haven’t even seen you before Christmas, I’m already a terrible friend. Oh my God, your birthday was last month and it totally slipped my mind. I really am a terrible, terrible friend. Now I really can’t reply without an apology and a really good excuse. You’re such a good friend to me. I don’t deserve good friends. You don’t deserve terrible friends like me. Why do you even bother? If we hang out now, or even if I reply, I don’t have a valid excuse for anything. I haven’t been sick in bed. I’ve been getting up and going to work and just existing in my monotonous routine. I look fine and I seem fine. I’m not even as depressed as I have been before, so why am I avoiding most of my friends? UGH.

That’s what usually goes through my head, but it’s not me that’s saying it.

Should I have to keep apologizing for the dark cloud that lives in there? No. I’m done apologizing for not being able to live like everybody else. Most of my friends are aware of my struggles and they are more understanding than I give them credit for. That’s why they still reach out to me — even when I’ve ghosted them for months.

My illness is enough for me to deal with on a day to day basis. Until I can master the way I cope with it, keeping up with friendships is hard for me to do. I’m lucky to have friends that don’t mind our relationship being a little one-sided at times. I quit social media about a year ago because it was too much to keep up with.

I often find myself wishing we could go back to the days of only landlines, even before pay phones and beepers, and way before cell phones and social media. I don’t feel that need for instant communication and connection. If all we had were landlines, there would be no pressure to reply to a “wyd” text.

I would like to say that I’m going to start replying to messages as soon as I get them, but I’m working on being realistic with my goals. I’m working on responding at least within a day instead, but I will not be apologizing for my illness and not being able to handle as much as others.

You (text): Hey wyd Friday?

Me (text): Hey I’m not up for making plans right now, I’ll reach out when I’m in a better place.

Can you relate? Let us know in the comments below.

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