When People Say 'I Don't Notice Your Kyphosis'

“If you don’t talk about your back, it won’t bring attention to it!”

“It isn’t even that obvious! People don’t notice!”

People who use these phrases mean well, they do. I know it’s coming from a nice place, but let’s be honest here, it is obvious. People do notice and it sure as hell will catch attention.

I’ve  been screamed at in the street. I’ve had people come up to me and say horrible things. I’ve had kids question me and I’ve heard them question their parents. Even adults have questions about my spine.

The truth is, often the people saying those phrases don’t see it. They’re my family, my friends and they see beyond it, beyond appearance. But if I was a stranger in the street, would you notice it then? Question it? Wonder? If you do, that’s totally OK. We’re human; we’re curious.

So next time you’re talking to a visibly disabled or physically different friend or family member, please try saying “I don’t see it or notice it” instead of assuming others don’t notice either. Thank you.