The 4 Truths I Realized From a Stressful Doctor's Visit
Every day offers plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. When I think I have it all figured out, that’s usually when I am at my most wrong.
During a recent appointment with my ophthalmologist, I had a neurofibromatosis (NF) related question she couldn’t fully address. When she suggested I make an appointment with the NF specialty clinic, I balked.
“Ugh, I haven’t been there in years! It takes forever to get an appointment and they hardly ever run on schedule.”
She simply smiled and replied, “Well, it is a specialty clinic. Bring a book.”
(OK, let me try something different.)
“They tell me my NF is mild and insist on scheduling me with the nurse practitioner. I rarely get to see the neurologist.”
“Kelly, your case is mild. I have patients with NF who are blind.”
(Let me try one more thing)
“Not to mention a whole day will be shot, it’s a two-hour round trip, and parking sucks.”
She just gave me a shoulder shrug for that one.
I realized I had said too much and she wasn’t having it. I think I apologized for taking up too much of her time as I was leaving.
I seethed as I drove home. For starters, I couldn’t bloody see! My eyes were dilated and the sun was blazing, making driving a bit sketchy, but most of all, I was angry at myself. I had wasted valuable appointment time ranting on about issues my doctor has no control over and didn’t seem interested in listening to. And I apologized!
So, I did what any irrational adult would do: I decided to mock my doctor by repeating the words “bring a book” in as many annoying voices as I could.
After I had some time to calm down and reflect upon the battle of wits I had with my doctor, I came to some realizations.
1. Nothing is gained by turning a conversation into an argument.
All I had to say in response to her suggestion was, “Thank you, I will consider that.” Why is offering up excuses and explanations such a hard habit to break? Sharing my negative clinic experience served no constructive purpose. If I truly want to take it up with someone, it will be with the clinic coordinator.
2. Minimizing how another person experiences life’s curveballs is never cool.
I am fully aware my case of NF is mild compared to some. Others have it worse, I get it, but that doesn’t mean my concerns are not valid. Still, I need to remember there will always be someone at the ready to remind me; I have no control over that. I do however, have control over how I react and respond.
3. I will never again apologize for taking up a doctor’s time; it’s my time as well.
They provide services I need and I am willing to pay for. I’m not in the habit of scheduling office visits because I’m lonely and feel like a chat.
4. I don’t have to follow every suggestion a doctor makes.
If I went to see a new doctor every time a doctor told me to, I’d never have any kind of life. Sometimes, you got to break the chain of referrals. At the moment, my NF isn’t much of a bother. I know my body and I’ll go when and if I feel it would be of benefit. And yes, if I go, I will most likely have to wait. I guess I’ll bring a book.
Photo by Joe Gardner on Unsplash
Hi, I’m Kelly. Here are a few things you need to know. Over the years I have racked up quite a few medical issues, a craniotomy for a brain stem tumor in 1999 and a diagnosis of Crohn's disease turned my world upside down. I've been doing my best to navigate but the road has not always been a smooth one. Lately it seems managing my medical life has become my full time job! Hence the label: Professional Patient. In the spring of 2016, I was inspired to write my first blog post in response to something I read on The Mighty. After they published it, I felt compelled to keep writing. I wrote a few more entries for them and other sites before I decided to take the plunge start my own blog. And that was how “Write Down the Middle” was born. For me, writing is a healing process. I write from the middle-ground perspective of a situation. I can usually see the not-so-good side right away but if I stay with my feelings, I eventually see the value. Not in a "Pollyanna" way, more out of curiosity and a desire to understand. My blog is about how I experience life as a professional patient, it not a substitute for medical advice or treatment. If you find something helpful to you, I’d love to know and certainly wouldn’t mind a like and share. All I ask is that you do not claim my words as your own, and acknowledge the writer accordingly.
kelly-ellur