What I've Learned From Dating With Cerebral Palsy
One of the biggest misconceptions about people with disabilities is that we have no desire to date, or have no understanding of what a relationship consists of. I can tell you first hand that this is false. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always dreamt about the day I will finally get married. I dream of having a ceremony in the smoky mountains of Tennessee, and getting to ride off afterward in a red 1978 Ford Truck with my future husband.
Dating has been one of the most difficult parts of my life. Ever since I hit puberty in middle school, I had an interest in dating and having a boyfriend (as many young 13-year-olds do). However, I often had trouble with this because boys wouldn’t dare to give me the time of day. I believe it was mainly because of my cerebral palsy that they just didn’t want to deal with the judgment and stigmas related to dating someone like me, and I can’t blame them for thinking that way.
All of those experiences taught me that the first step of meeting and getting to know someone is being in love with yourself first, while accepting your circumstances and your situation. Once you accomplish this, then you can meet someone who will look past your disability and love you for you. Loving yourself when you have a disability may not be the easiest task for some people, but it helps you to move forward when you’re single and want to put yourself out there into the dating scene as someone with a disability.
If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect other people to gravitate towards you and want to get to know you? Self-confidence is magnetic. If you don’t love yourself and accept that you are who you are and acknowledge that you were made this way, then others may find it difficult to love and accept you as well.
It all starts with you and whether you are willing to try loving yourself, including the way your medical condition shapes you, as well as how you perceive your life as a person with a disability.
I’ve also learned that not everyone you have a romantic interest in is going to return those feelings, and that’s OK. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or the person that you are. You just have to accept their feelings and move on from it, while remembering that you’ll find to love you no matter what struggles you experience and what situation you’re in.
The importance of self-love when dating with a disability
may be hard, but it’s worth it.
All throughout my experience with dating with a disability, I’ve realized that while it isn’t an easy process, it is a worthwhile one. It is essential that no matter where you are in your journey, you take time out and learn to embrace yourself and your situation. In my case, I need to acknowledge my wheels, the adventures I get to go on because of my cerebral palsy, and all the things that having cerebral palsy has taught me over the years.
I have learned a lot about myself during the experience of finding love with cerebral palsy. Although my life hasn’t been the easiest, I have learned that loving myself and my disability come first are foremost.
A version of this story originally appeared on theunchargeables.com.
Photo credit: YakobchukOlena/Getty Images
Tylia L. Flores is a twenty-eight-year-old born with Spastic Cerebral Palsy. Despite her condition that affects her mobility, she does not allow it to affect her will and determination to make a difference in the world. Through her many life challenges and obstacles, she discovered her passion for writing. Tylia’s goal in life is to share her stories with the world. In doing so, she hopes to help others with disabilities realize that they, too, have the potential to make their dreams come true. Tylia is not only an author. She’s a radio show personality and a disability activist. Tylia has written about disability-related topics for Yahoo Life, Your Tango, The Mighty, ReadUnwritten.com, Words Between Coasts Project, Wednesday, Spilwords, and Goble Thrive. Worth Living Among her other appearances are Disability on the Spectrum and Why I was Afraid of Sexuality. Previously, Tylia was nominated to Diversabilities list of the most influential Disability Impacts of 2022. Additionally, Tylia holds the position of chairman in the creative director role for the North American Association Of Cerebral Palsy Advocates. She serves as a mentor for the Disability EmpowHer Network as well. Tylia also works for Write It Up Publishing as a sensitivity reader focusing on disability representation. Tylia has also been involved in many movie press releases for Samuel Goldwyn Films Come as you are Piece of me which was the short film directed and written by award winning filmmaker Bruna Cabral as well as the film adaptation of the book Calvin can’t fly by Jenifer Burnes Tylia is also a keynote speaker at 2020’s Cerebral Palsy Awareness conference. She has also been a guest speaker at Northeastern State University Broken Arrow where she talks to college students about disability and inclusion in education. She has also been a guest speaker at Plantation Middle School, where she discussed inclusion and disability with classmates. Tylia is fully certified in Education for All: Disability, Diversity, and Inclusion through Cape Town University. She’s also certified in Understanding Diversity and Inclusion through Purdue University. She’s also certified in creative writing at the University of East Anglia. Tylia hosts the Stomping On cerebral Palsy radio show with DJ Ty on Asheville FM with DJ Mouse during the Come On In the Kitchen segment once a month she also helps the staff behind the scenes, help bring awareness to disability awareness and inclusion within the radio broadcasting industry .
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