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What I Should Have Told Friends About My Depression

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I often struggled with depression and anxiety throughout my teenage years and into adulthood. During that period, I had a difficult time maintaining friendships because of my depression.

There are so many things I wish I could have told friends about my journey, but didn’t. I didn’t want them to look down on me because of the stigma surrounding depression.

I should have told my friends that none of this is their fault and nothing they did caused me to feel this way.

I should have told my friends I don’t mean to lash out at them; it just happens from time to time.

I should have told my friends that I don’t like to cancel our plans; I don’t want them to see me in a negative state of mind.

I should have told them behind my smile and laugher there’s a lot of pain that I hide day in and day out, because I feel like I have to be the inspiration of the group.

I should have told my friends sometimes I need a hug and someone to tell me I’ll be OK.

I should have told my friends that I don’t mean to cry at random times, sometimes it all gets too much for me to handle.

I should have told my friends I love you and appreciate everything you’ve done for me, like staying up with me until 3 a.m. on a school night to hear me vent and cry.

I should have told my friends I’ve been feeling this way for a while now.

I should have told my friends that sometimes things could be overwhelming for me, so please take it easy on me.

I should have told my friends I don’t mean to become too emotional over the smallest things that upset me — it just happens.

I should have told my friends I don’t mean to ignore their your messages for days at a time. Sometimes I need my space to get better, but believe me it means the world to me when you reach out to me.

I should have told my friends I’ll overcome this. This phase won’t last forever, so please don’t give up hope, because one day I’ll be back to the bestie you had who was the social butterfly of the group.

I should have told my friends I’m sorry if I hurt you through my battle with depression. I didn’t mean for that to happen the way it did.

I should have told my friends that despite what I’m going through, I love you and always will.

I should have told my friends that my depression doesn’t define who I am — I’m just Tylia.

Photo by Hian Oliveira on Unsplash

Originally published: April 6, 2020
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