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The 5 Types of Imposter Syndrome You May Be Experiencing

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“I don’t deserve any of the good things in my life.”

“What if I’m just acting like I’m a good person, and inside I’m a terrible person? I don’t deserve love from people.”

“Nothing I ever do is right.”

If the sentences above (or versions of them) pop into your head at least once a day, you might be experiencing impostor syndrome. Impostor syndrome, also called impostor phenomenon, is defined by the intense feeling of incompetency and fear of getting exposed as a fraud. According to Valerie Young, an award-winning author and expert on imposter syndrome, there are five major types of “impostors.”

1. The perfectionist.

Your primary concern is to do everything perfectly. You set extremely high, almost impossible standards and consider yourself a failure when you (understandably) cannot reach these standards. Since reaching perfection is impossible, it doesn’t take much for you to beat yourself up, even over the most mundane of tasks.

2. The expert.

It is difficult to start working on a new project without being fully prepared with all the knowledge and information necessary. Even as a beginner, you feel like you need to acquire enough info to earn your doctorate on the subject, no matter how small the project. Otherwise, the work will be done completely wrong.

3. The soloist.

You feel uncomfortable sharing your work with others and asking for help. You want to show others you can handle your own work, or else you’ll be seen as incompetent. You can often be perceived as standoffish or even arrogant by other people because you refuse to let other people help you.

4. The superhero.

You’re obsessed with the concept of “having it all.” The perfect work/school/life balance, complete with a picture-perfect social life. You want to excel in every aspect of your life. This can often make you push yourself to your emotional and physical limits, leading to breakdowns if one part of your life isn’t going as smoothly as the others.

5. The natural genius.

You were known as a “prodigy” or a “gifted” child, mastering pretty much everything with very little effort. Because of this, as you get older, you find it increasingly difficult to maintain this “genius” image, and get embarrassed and beat yourself up if you don’t immediately master something on the first try.

For me, all five of these “imposters” have made a home inside my head since I was a little girl.

When I was younger, I was often able to achieve things without putting in much effort. People had high expectations of me, and thus I had ridiculously high expectations of myself. Whenever people complimented me, I tried to act proud on the outside. But the inside of my head was always pounding with stressful, negative thoughts, such as:

“What should I do to impress people next time?”

“Everyone will think I’m a failure if I slip up.”

“I need to be perfect in every class.”

The fear of slipping up, the fear of becoming a failure, was real.

My parents are certainly loving and caring, but they also can be strict and reproving, especially when it comes to my grades. They compare me with other exceptional students, and while I know it isn’t their intention to hurt me, it still leaves me with the stinging impression I am not enough. Sometimes, it feels like nothing I do satisfies them.

Since I did not feel valued at home, I dedicated myself to filling that void at school: Trying to be the best at anything and everything so I could be acknowledged by teachers and friends. I did everything I could to prove my worth, and eventually, I became “the superhero.” The amount of work pushed me to the edge mentally, but the girl who wanted to feel valuable did it anyway.

My reputation as an exceptional student often left a permanent weight on my shoulders, one aspect of which was making sure everything came out perfect down to the smallest detail. If one thing was off, or a grade was lowered by the smallest point, I would shatter, hurling insults at myself for the rest of the day and doubting every, single accomplishment I had ever made. Was I some kind of failure that was only pretending to be good?

I always had to be an expert on everything: I’d spend hours researching a concept for an assignment until the sun began to rise. If there was a group project, I always had to be the leader, always. I always brushed people off when they offered help.

For a long, long time, I thought I could never escape this toxic mindset. But over the years, I’ve learned to try and be gentle with myself. Even when every little mistake feels like the world is ending, I try to breathe and take a step back. I tell myself I will still be the person I am now. I will still be valued.

The key is realizing these imposters that plague us are just that: imposters. They do not determine our worth or our value. What is important is you. These thoughts in your head do not define you, and you are worthy. Worthy of love, worthy of acceptance and worthy of everything you’ve accomplished, even if you aren’t “perfect.”

I realize some of these feelings may never truly go away. But I can always choose to forgive and be gentle with myself. I can always choose to take a break, and breathe when the world around me becomes too stressful, even if it risks my “perfect” expectations. I try to open up to friends more, letting them know of my feelings and letting them comfort me. I’ve even let others take the lead on projects, and wouldn’t you know it, we’ve done just fine!

Whatever the imposters in my head may tell me, I know my value is more than a perfect grade or project. I am me, and that is enough.

Getty image by maystra

Originally published: July 9, 2021
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