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I was physically abused growing up by my father and my dad. I just got out of a 5-year relationship with a man that was so verbally abusive he said things to me that not even my dad and my brother said to me. He never hit me but I'm sure that was just a matter of time
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How do I calm down? #DV #Bipolar #BPD #PTSD #Incest survivor #Depression #panic attacks #Anxiety

So I am at DV shelter and for the last two days another client in the house has seemingly singled me out to abuse?! I think she's on speed or something too? So she is screaming and yelling at me calling me names etc and the staff at shelter felt that I should go in my room? I am capable 100% of not talking to or being around that person! She just will not leave me alone? After having another attack from her maybe an hour passed by and she started talking to me like we were old friends asking me what time I had to work today? I at first didn't respond after 4 more times I just said I don't wanna talk to you and then she starts right back in on me!? Telling me she wants me kicked out and that I don't follow the rules just not making any sense?!? So my question is how the heck do I not think about it and go about my day?! I left the shelter very early so I could avoid that person entirely but I feel unsafe unprotected and I feel like I am allowing this person to run me off?! Its just that in the past due to my anti social bpd ways I can be violent after all the abuse I have been handed I guess I have used that to get my way?! Just the way my abusers always have? So I don't trust that I will be able to control myself I am so angry I haven't slept or showed or kept my appts today I'm sitting in my car in front of a friend's house bawling!!! How an this be happening and how do I make it stop!!! Do I just run or get a ppo?? The thing is I am moving out in less than a week and have great things a new apt job to look forward to but I am jot handling this drama well at all!! I'm trying not to beat myself up but I am mad that she is getting to me! I feel like I am being mistreated all over again!! I cry more when I am mad than ever! I dislike crying very much! What really bothers me is missing everything work! physical therapy! I just can't do it!! Staff at shelter told me to just let it go dont let it bother you so much?! Which made me more mad!!! If I fuck this up before the shelter helps me move out I will lose all of the household items and furniture the shelter is providing me and all of my transition help from them as well?! That cannot happen!!! Well fuck!! Not sure what I am gonna do now but I do know that I am taking my meds now! Help and please don't say just let it go!?!? Please?

7 people are talking about this
Community Voices

It's Just Getting Worse!

I am too nervous to write a lot, but my boyfriend spent most of the inheritance his father gave him early so we could get an apartment, and I know part of it he spent on me (I need a lot of things because of my OCD and I try to get out for my mental health and be around people), but now he's mad because he used apartments.com to inquire about an apartment twice and they didn't respond. I told him to call like 3 times, and he told me the apartment is gone, so I asked if he ever called, and he said no! 🤦🏼‍♀️ Now he says he's probably going to have to look for places that don't accept pets! I need my cats!

I tried to post this, but it froze, and I couldn't, so I'm really upset now. I can't find a psychiatrist who takes Medicare, including places that I hate that took it before, and I'm getting low on meds. We're talking Xanax and Paxil here. My OCD really wants to avoid asking at the hospital, so I'm going to be trying physicians next. I don't have much time. I can't afford hundreds of dollars! My boyfriend isn't being of any help. I'm scared and alone. I'm rationing my pills, but I'm feeling the withdrawal. Why have all these places quit taking Medicare? They used to! What are people like me supposed to do? I can't go off Xanax cold turkey!

6 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Quick Rant

I'm at 17 % battery and want to get this up quick. I called about my phone to see if the parts are in so it can be repaired (should have been about about a week ago, but the woman I spoke with (customer service--I always get this same woman who doesn't speak English well and tells me she's confused) couldn't tell me and said I'd have to go to the store itself, which is like 30-40 miles away, and my car doesn't work properly, and I think my boyfriendvs lying to me. She said she can't connect me to the store, that the stores no longer allow direct calls! My boyfriend has power over me, and I need my phone! He keeps saying he hasn't heard from them, and I try not to bug him, but if you've read my posts, you know I need my phone, my only real connection to the outside world. I go places, but no one wants to be with me. I don't understand why I can't get info on my own phone! I know he's paying, but I talked to them in person, too, told them to send me updates, too! 😭😠😡🤬

Community Voices

AITA? My Comfort vs. My Boyfriend's

AITA? My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 30 years, and I've wanted out of it most of that time. When we'd be in his car when we'd go out and he had the air conditioning too high for me, I'd be freezing, which increased my need to pee, made me more nervous and anxious, and if I was on my period, I'd get cramps, often really bad ones. When I'd ask him to turn the air conditioning down, he'd say he was driving, and he needed the cold air to stay awake. That's reasonable, I guess.

When I'd be cold at home, however, he'd always tell me to "put on more layers." He preferred cooler temperatures to warmer because, as he said, "You can always put on more layers, but you can only take off so many." I found that flawed, because I thought it would be fair to take turns or equally have times when he gets to be more comfortable, and times when I get to be more comfortable.

Now, in the motel, he usually has it too hot. Right now is one of those times. He says in a very dominant voice that he isn't going to turn up the air conditioning (I'm the one who's usually too hot these days; I'm in menopause, and I'm morbidly obese), and I reminded him he's always said when it's too cold, you can put on more layers. He told me I could take off a layer. I'm only wearing a nightgown and incontinence underwear. Naked, I would stick to myself, and my OCD wouldn't like that. Am I wrong for expecting him to put on more layers, so I can be comfortable? It's hard to sleep when I'm hot. #Anxiety #Depression #OCD #menopause #Controlling #hotflashes

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Community Voices

This was a comment to a post I put in a Facebook group for abuse victims. I don't post my whole story because it's looooooong, there are a huge number of details, and I don't feel like typing all of that everytime I need support. Besides, no one ever really understands. I get judged, blamed, and it's all turned on me. I don't understand this, especially in groups for people suffering from abuse. I'm in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship and can't leave. I mentioned I needed to see my cats, which aren't with me, because we're stuck in a motel, to explain why she mentions my cats. More about the situation with my cats, and the whole situation, is in some of my previous posts here. I have OCD, panic disorder, and depression, plus physical disabilities. I'm not lazy. I've cleaned, cooked, and done other household chores in the house we lived in and apartments before that. I've gotten worse, both mentally and physically. She doesn't know me, but she immediately seemed accusatory. My boyfriend had told me Saturday he was going to do laundry, but later claimed he said he'd do it when he got around to it. He told me he'd do it that day. He has money to do it: I don't. He did laundry yesterday. I got upset when I came back Saturday to find he hadn't, because I had no shirts left, had planned to go out, and I was going to visit my cats. Here's her latest comment, which is highly misinformed and hostile:

You have to visit your cats. Are you kidding? You claim he was supposed to do laundry. Nobody does laundry. All you have to do is put the clothes in the washing machine and the machine does the work. Then all you have to do is put the wet laundry in the dryer and the machine does the work. Then all you have to do is take the dry clothes out of the dryer and either fold your clothes or hang them up. Seems to me you're extremely lazy and come up with excuses.

25 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Sliding down a deep slope

I’ve been married to him for 25 years. It’s so complicated, I can’t even sort it. I guess I’ve spent years pretending that the “old him” is gone. When in fact the “old me” has been subdued into submission for the past 15 years. I feel like a huge fake. A phony. An imposter. He’s a narcissist so everyone who knows us thinks I’m a pampered queen on a pedestal. Over the past few days, I’ve just felt like I’m slipping into a depression. I’ve never felt so hopeless.
#narcissisticabuser

3 people are talking about this
Community Voices

#Still
Control ; Fear

I really thought..I was strong.. enough to stand my ground .. with all the abuse I somehow managed to exist through. He got deeper than anyone else have.. miniscule as it was..I have been great at the fight or flight act ; me taking the latter. The majority of emotional and physical abuse came at the hand of the woman who gave birth to me... behind her footprint would me a legacy abusers..she placed me with them as she continued to live.. sometimes weeks later..she would pop in for a couple days ; remembering in those unscheduled moments. She had a girl child...who was never allowed to disagree/taking the words of my perpetrators at face value.. Although a great deal of the marks made by un straighten wire hangers now are covered ..When I take a shower..It apparent to this unknown part of me ....It still stings..as I still fear being hit today..my reality few understand why I stop fighting back..Use to it...Use to wanting to run...The seclusion where there's no expectation...I wonder sometime wether or not they think about me. The black sheep the disappointment...I wish they knew how long it took..be thrown away..

Community Voices

Extremely emotional abuse

Why did I stay with a man for 5 years that treated me like I was a piece of garbage. I was so extremely emotionally abused and belittled by my boyfriend. It went on and on and universe said he was sorry.

5 people are talking about this