I've been a believer since I was 17. However, I have lived all my life with my passion to live and to serve Christ with extreme prejudice from most churches I have intractable epilepsy which nothing has helped. I am told to sit in the back, go to the bathroom, I can't serve because they see me as a liability, I'm demon possessed, and I lack faith. I'm told I make others feel uncomfortable and I should watch church online. All of this keeps me isolated with a soured attitude about ever being part of a church again. I visited the Salvation Army church Sunday bc they minister to a broad group of hurting people. I hope I have found a place to call home bc the Lord wants us to stay in fellowship, not isolation. It can only get better.

I recently met with one of our elders and our pastor about getting some help dealing with religious trauma and spiritual abuse recovery. I had an advocate with me. It went really well but now I'm having waves of fear and regret. I know it's the trauma narrative and not reality but it's been a very long 8 days full of triggers and symptoms. I knew this was going to be very hard but dang..... I'm feeling beat down and I barely even started.