When the 4th of July comes around. My body is on defense 😩 and i really wish it wasn't.. All due to the trauma that was caused every 4th of July.. For the past 13 years.. I really dont remember a holiday that was ever celebrated and turned out great!! And every holiday I wished it would've been GREAT!! No Matter what I did to try Do make it GREAT!! By the End of The Night!! I was always in tears.. Wondering Where I went wrong 🤔
But to understand Now that None of it Was My fault .. It Just Makes Me sad!! Because holidays are supposed to be fun and spent with your loved ones.. Yet I sit alone 😔 with all these feelings and Ptsd.. Why me!!

When I was raped I tried to escape he hit me he hurt me he fucked me he ran I stayed I cried I was all torn up inside should I stay should I run does this happen to everyone if not why me was I to blind to see. #AbuseSurvivors

Surviving my abuse all my childhood trauma isn't easy. Others believe the past is past why even talk about it or bring it up. Okay not easy I remembered just the smallest amount of abuse 9 counts actually when CPS and the police removed me. About 3 years ago I was in a 5 car pile up they literally had to put my neck together with cages and screw's and my lower back also and if that wasn't bad enough my memories started flooding me so when others say it's the past I can easily say it pisses me off because it's actually completely my present. Now I have been working real hard to be healthy don't always succeed by far multiple attempts of suicide until I guess I realized I can't do it right and there must be a reason for me. Now I only came to this conclusion about 8;weeks ago so been working real hard to heal but I may lose my shit the next time I hear the past is the past and I the only one who feels this way?

Today has especially hard for me to handle, I have tried to stay positive I have but with reality of every new memory I begin to doubt how the hell can I live with all this it's tearing me apart. I'm scared to sleep and that sucks I feel disgusting after every new memory I do. I also wonder why things have to happen to me I've been working so hard. I learned real quick recently don't trust. I'm not sure what is next for me I'm not I want to be better but I cannot continue on like this I can't idk I am trying to not give up but will not make any promises I'm sorry

#surving abuse yesterday I wrote that I didn't know how I survived today still not sure but I learned a little from listening to others on here that I'm not so alone. I get why people have slowly backed away from me I do especially my husband he doesn't know what to do if he can't fix everything sad thing is I don't need him to fix anything all I really need is him to be there love me and never to give up on me. Anyways I have really been working hard through therapy to me making tons of progress too. Unfortunately about 4 months ago I was raped why I didn't tell anyone still confuses the hell out of me but recently I told my therapist of what happened to me now life and sleep seem harder than ever before wish I would have never said anything.

I often wonder how I survived all the years of abuse a few years ago I started to remember all the abuse I went through it's been rough. I had tons of friends a husband and 4 wonderful son's. But after remembering all I've been through #Surviving abuse. I started to notice less friends my husband was pulling away the only thing I managed to get right were my son's. Now everyday I live with doubt #PTSD feels like it's killing me. My story's so long I won't go on just lost and confused and hurt 🤕

So tired of everyone telling me it's in the past just get over it. If I could I do would but unfortunately for me this became my reality just a few short years ago tired

I grew up in a very chaotic and dysfunctional home. I'm also learning to accept that yes my dad abused me as a child for years. For years he covered it up with the phrase "It's just discipline." I believed him for years. Until I moved out of home this past year. But my question here is when does discipline become abuse? I'm trying to figure out a lot right now and I could use some help separating discipline and abuse. One day I want to have children but I don't want to raise them with the same trauma.

When does discipline become abuse?