Two Secrets Moms of Kids With Disabilities Need to Know

I am a speech language pathologist, and my son has autism.

I have always wanted to just “fix” all of my son’s problems. Fix his receptive language. Fix his expressive language. Fix his social communication. Just fix it all! I worked and worked and worked, doing all that I knew to do… but nothing “fixed” him.

Have you ever felt that way? Like no matter how hard you try, you just aren’t enough?

If the answer is “yes,” then please keep reading.

I completely, totally, 100 percent understand where you are coming from, friend! You love your child and want nothing more than to help them overcome their communication hurdles and obstacles.

I have two secrets for you, and I hope that they give you some peace of mind:

1) Your child doesn’t need to be fixed.

2) You are enough!

Your child does not need to be fixed, because they are not broken!

Realizing this little fact was huge for me. The therapist in me saw all of the things that weren’t age appropriate. That therapist wanted to fix them. Changing my mindset from “fixing” to “helping” made all the difference for me.

To me, “fixing” means that the problem disappears. “Fixing” meant that I had achieved my end result and everything was complete. “Fixed” meant no more need for therapy, no more help needed, none of that stuff.

“Helping” means  making any positive changes towards his goals. Now that is doable! Any kind of progress made means that I have helped him. “Helping” is an ongoing process and every little bit matters. Any progress is a step in the right direction. Progress doesn’t mean “perfect,” it just means “better than before.”

My son isn’t broken, but he does need more help. It is my job to get him the help that needs. That leads me to point number two:

You are enough!

I am the type of person who wants to do everything myself. I am a “control freak,” for sure. I want to do things myself and I want to be the best at everything.

I had the same feelings about my son. I tried to be his everything: mom, therapist, his voice, advocate, scheduler of all the things, life coordinator, chef, taxi service — everything. It took me a few years, but I realized I couldn’t be and do everything myself.

I called in other professionals to help him. He goes to private speech therapy (not provided by mom!) And he goes to ABA therapy every day. I needed other people to help me help him!

First and foremost, you are mom. That is the most important job. It is your job to find help for your child.

So you can’t do it all yourself? That’s OK — that is why the professionals are here to help!

You’re doing great — keep up the good work!