bereavement

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I Lost My Grandfather Two Weeks Ago

My grandfather passed two weeks ago. I was informed around midnight. He has passed in the hospital, where he was being treated for covid-19. He was suffering from a lung infection as a result of covid-19, and had a stroke afterwards.

I miss him deeply. He was a kind, patient, and intelligent, well spoken gentleman with a high amount of care for his grandchildren. He provided each grandchild with attention and care, and knew our unique qualities. He was also quite well read, and quoted his favorite writers, philosophers, and thinkers often. He was always able to answer questions and was here to provide all of us with insights into things we wouldn’t know of. He was a well trained lawyer who practised family law, and was a mediator. He wrote poetry, and was a published writer and poet. He was a songwriter as well.

We were always around him when we visited his home. He was usually awake in the early morning, and would sleep very early. He was a quiet, but witty man who wouldn’t hesitate to be expressive when angry. But, he was never violent, and didn’t even raise his voice at his wife or children.

He is missed. I miss him for his kind and easygoing nature. He was a very interesting yet quiet personality. He was extremely humble. I appreciated his unique knowledge of the world, of philosophy, religion, literature, history, politics, language, and law. He was also a man of simple habits. He had hobbies such as reading, writing, and spemding time with colleagues and fellow poets. He recited a lot of poetry at gatherings and was a member of poetry collectives throughout his life.

I miss him because he was like a teacher who shaped my beliefs. He taught me my first bible, though he wasn’t a Christian. He encouraged me to study Hebrew, though he never travelled outside of the country, except as a young man. He was a talented, and kind man. He was also a very supportive person who didn’t hesitate to support women. I would see him encourage women at home; he taught his children and was a parent who was active. He is missed as a loving, intelligent, supportive and kind man.

I miss him deeply and am blessed to have known a person like him. He deserves to be celebrated for his kindness, humility, intelligence, and his support to his children, grand, great grand children, animals, helpers, mentees, colleagues, and contemporaries.

He is a loss to the community, to me personally, to our family, and to our country’s literary movement.

#bereavement #Loss

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Each time I try to get up, I get knocked back up.

As you know, my beautiful cat was very poorly. By Friday, she had lost 350g in three weeks, she was severely anaemic, with very low red blood cells, haematocrit & haemoglobin. The symptoms pointed to #Cancer , either in the #pancreas , or #
abdominal lymph nodes. I had a chat with the vet and she mentioned euthanasia at some point down the line. We got Tara home and she just went downhill really REALLY quickly. She stopped eating altogether, having only been picking at her food.
My husband and I had a chat on Saturday and we came to the decision that, although it would be hard for *us*, it would be kinder for Tara to ease her suffering so we made the appointment.
We tried to give Tara plenty of cuddles but she spent all of her time on the duvets in the cupboard in the office.
So, come Monday 4pm GMT we set off for the vet for Tara's final journey. Because of #COVID19 restrictions the vet took Tara in first and then came out for me (only one person was allowed to be present when a pet was put to sleep). We talked about Tara's bloods and the vet said, going by what she'd seen, it was more likely than not to be cancer. I was absolutely petrified but when I went in, there was my wee girl on the pink onesie she loved snuggling on. I spoke to her, told her I loved her and, as the vet gave her the injection, I held her paw and she slowly and peacefully fell asleep.
I'm absolutely heartbroken. I know it was the right thing to do for Tara: if we'd not taken her when we did, she wouldn't have seen out the week & if the cancer had spread through her body & to her brain, she'd be suffering beyond belief and I'd hate to see her like that.
Anyway, thank you so much for reading. It feels good to get it all down.
#Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Cancer #bereavement
PS the picture was done by a friend on Twitter.
PPS apologies for any spelling mistakes

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Suicide Loss.

This coming January will mark 2 years since I lost my brother to suicide. My brother and I both suffer / suffered from severe mental health issues, and both of us have made multiple serious attempts to take our own lives. He was the only one I could talk to, who really understood what I was going through, and I was the only one who truly understood what he was going through. Tragically, he was successful in completing a suicide. I had this tattoo done in his memory. He was big on formula one racing, hence the racing car. The starting / finishing flags with his date of birth and year of death. Instead of a number on the car bonnet, it's the green mental health ribbon. #Suicide #personality disorders #bereavement by suicide

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Coping with the loss of my fur baby. I’ve adopted some wild friends. #Lossofpet #copingstrategies #HealingGrief #bereavement

On November 3, 2020, my doggo of 10 years crossed the #Rainbowbridge . He was my constant companion, and he saw me through some really bad 💩 over the years. My kids picked him out at a shelter, so he was all I had left of my kids’ childhoods.

When he was diagnosed with a mast cell tumor, I was hopeful we could cure him. Unfortunately, that type of tumor is especially aggressive in German Shorthaired Pointers (GSP). We got three month from diagnosis to saying goodbye, even with aggressive treatment. But, I did everything I could possibly do for him, and I have no regrets. He was a good dog, but it was his time to go where I cannot follow. Hopefully, he is running and playing with the dog we had when my buddy came to live with us.

In the meantime, I’ve adopted the wild birds and squirrels in my neighborhood! It is late autumn/early winter in the American Midwest, and wild food sources are getting thin. My feeders have become a favorite hang out of about nine different species of birds, some of whom I’d never seen before starting this project. I get a great deal of peace watching them just outside my bedroom window. It’s very grounding at a time when I need all of the help I can get.

Adopting the wild ones has helped me deal with my grief. I think fondly on memories of my Max, but I don’t feel sorrow or depression. The birds don’t replace him (and he would have chased them all away if he were here), but they give me something to care about and something to take care of. They give me purpose for those times when the pit swallows me up and the lies in my head get loud. My birds need me to stay and fill up the feeders on occasion. That is reason enough to stay, for now.

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Wasn't alone, but now I am

#bereavement Lockdown wasn't so hard while D. S. was here, but now it is just me and the two cats. She was homebound due to an chronic illness, but got sicker after Easter. On April 17th she was transported to a hospital, where she passed away. It was not COVID-19, so I am not worried for myself.
I am just saddened by the loss of my dearest friend and longtime companion. We had met as penpals, later became roommates. We shared a lot of interests and supported each other. She was kind and funny, generous and creative.

I need to clean the house, but am finding it hard to get started. Today was a no-telework day, they said it was for mental health. I ended up sleeping till noon. Sigh.
I understand how many of you feel. Any advice how I get going again? #fighting #Depression

Thank you for reading this.

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Wasn't alone, but now I am

#bereavement Lockdown wasn't so hard while D. S. was here, but now it is just me and the two cats. She was homebound due to an chronic illness, but got sicker after Easter. On April 17th she was transported to a hospital, where she passed away. It was not COVID-19, so I am not worried for myself.
I am just saddened by the loss of my dearest friend and longtime companion. We had met as penpals, later became roommates. We shared a lot of interests and supported each other. She was kind and funny, generous and creative.

I need to clean the house, but am finding it hard to get started. Today was a no-telework day, they said it was for mental health. I ended up sleeping till noon. Sigh.
I understand how many of you feel. Any advice how I get going again? #fighting #Depression

Thank you for reading this.

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My angel

We lost this beautiful baby 72 days ago. I miss her every second. My life will never be the same, I don’t know how I’ll learn to cope with this pain. I’ll be brave for her because she was so brave for me. Mommy misses you sweet girl. #bereavement #angel #baby #NICU #Crying

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My Al

I so miss my Al. 21 and everything to have, brilliant at mathematics but died by suicide.

I tried and failed, please try.

T

#bereavement

2 comments