ihatepeople

I've deleted all my social media accounts, my mother's following some of the people I know on instagram, and I know her password so I sneak in to see how everyone's doing, and god let me tell you how ANNOYED and pissed off I get when I see all my friends happy, moving forward, living their best young lives, working out, eating healthy, going out everyday... Meanwhile, I've been in my bed since forever, the highlight of my day was making a shitty lunch for my sister, and YES I am raising my sister on my own, and no my mother is still alive and completely well, she lives in another city, but still I don't understand how she'd let me keep her with my mental condition, anyway ... I know it sounds really horrible and it makes me a shitty person, but I genuinely hate seeing other people happy. I feel left out, and miserable ... I'm 20 but I feel like I'm constantly switching between 98 and 3. Everything's falling apart, I am losing my SHIT ...aaaand you're welcome for the update, have a good day

#BPD #Depression #Selfhate #ihatepeople #Relationships #Anxiety #Kids

It's been almost 2 days and I hardly left my bed. I was supposed to make a doctor's appointment for antidepressants but I'm not even motivated to do that. I used to mostly just have high anxiety, but in the past year I've gotten mentally exhausted. I guess I just stopped caring, and will spend days in bed for no reason. I'm just tired of everything, like I will wake up and feel dissapointed that I'm even awake. it sounds strange, but the thought of going in public makes it seem harder because eventually I'm going to run into some random happy person trying to say hi or have a conversation with me. I hate acting fake and just want to be left alone!! it feels patronizing. I haven't always been like this and there's not even a reason. #Depression #ihatepeople