I have been seeing psychiatrist for the last 28 years. I think it was about seven different ones due to moving or changes in insurance. Somewhere quick to label me, one was quick to point out brain damage instead of Bi Polar, I’m just confused.

What I’m upset about, is this doctor that I’ve seen for four years five years? Seems to be pushing her agenda onto my life. Of course I have to watch out for my own paranoia getting in the way. I’ve gone through three months of insomnia and upside down days and nights. I ended back in psychosis, hallucinations, hearing things.

My new rheumatologist had taken me off of prednisone and methotrexate that I have been on for seven years because I was miss diagnosed as having lupus. My psychiatrist chirps at me, oh yes no wonder you’re having problems bipolar people shouldn’t be on steroids! She might’ve said something earlier, I wouldn’t of put myself at this kind of risk. I have lived with bipolar depression for the best part of 20 years, it’s exhausting and I’ve had more than a few suicide attempts. I’m on a mood stabilizer for the last 12 years that I think has stopped working for me, and I brought it up to her (my concerns) because I have felt so hollow inside. And this was pre-pandemic

Her answer is that I need to get out and mingle with people, I’ve stayed in lockdown too long,

I have no immune system because of the steroids, and it will take about six to twelve months before I develop any sort of response by my adrenal glands. And yet she wants me to mingle with people who don’t wear masks at my old AA meetings or church. I live in Texas where “you can’t tell me what to do“ idiots refuse to wear masks for the benefit of the sicker people here.

I ended up just feeling like I was less than because of the way I choose to live currently. Believe me I wanna travel believe me I wanna go to art museums I’d like to go to restaurants I’d like to see my friends again face-to-face, however not at the expense of not being able to see my child again because I get sick

Am I wrong? Am I wrong to want to stay healthy or am I being paranoid by staying home and painting and drawing and learning how to cook French food? I still talk to people, I even post in forums. I have an online business to restart as my strength comes back from all the meds

The final question is I feel like she’s not working for me, every medicine I’ve ever been on eventually quits working however she’s keeping me on the same mood stabilizer for the last 12 years maybe that’s why I’m so depressed? I really invite hugs
prayers
kicks in the butt
Thanks #GettingHelp