Mania

Dreams

I don’t remember having dreams- not a nice dream anyway. The only dreams I remember are nightmares that plagued me to the point that I sedated myself to get some rest.

But opening up and writing about my past has opened me up to dreaming once more.

I don’t honestly know if they’re dreams or memories but I’m not waking up crying or scared like I used to. Or angry.

I’m beginning to wake up feeling complete.

But as the day wears on I feel empty. I feel like the shell of a person, empty. Hollow. Nothing.

I want so much more than this provincial life.

I think of the small things that’ll make me happy- like singing, photography, reading and writing.

Then I think of the bigger things and I draw a blank.

Who am I without the depression that haunts me?
Who am I without the mania that drives me?

Who am I when my dreams turn back to black?

I have blocked out so much of my life- middle school, high school. I don’t remember who I am because those formative years are gone.

Or maybe they never existed to me.

#BipolarDepression #Bipolar1 #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Manic #ManicEpisodes #Depression

Dreams

I don’t remember having dreams- not a nice dream anyway. The only dreams I remember are nightmares that plagued me to the point that I sedated myself to get some rest.

But opening up and writing about my past has opened me up to dreaming once more.

I don’t honestly know if they’re dreams or memories but I’m not waking up crying or scared like I used to. Or angry.

I’m beginning to wake up feeling complete.

But as the day wears on I feel empty. I feel like the shell of a person, empty. Hollow. Nothing.

I want so much more than this provincial life.

I think of the small things that’ll make me happy- like singing, photography, reading and writing.

Then I think of the bigger things and I draw a blank.

Who am I without the depression that haunts me?
Who am I without the mania that drives me?

Who am I when my dreams turn back to black?

I have blocked out so much of my life- middle school, high school. I don’t remember who I am because those formative years are gone.

Or maybe they never existed to me.

#BipolarDepression #Bipolar1 #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Manic #ManicEpisodes #Depression

Dreams

I don’t remember having dreams- not a nice dream anyway. The only dreams I remember are nightmares that plagued me to the point that I sedated myself to get some rest.

But opening up and writing about my past has opened me up to dreaming once more.

I don’t honestly know if they’re dreams or memories but I’m not waking up crying or scared like I used to. Or angry.

I’m beginning to wake up feeling complete.

But as the day wears on I feel empty. I feel like the shell of a person, empty. Hollow. Nothing.

I want so much more than this provincial life.

I think of the small things that’ll make me happy- like singing, photography, reading and writing.

Then I think of the bigger things and I draw a blank.

Who am I without the depression that haunts me?
Who am I without the mania that drives me?

Who am I when my dreams turn back to black?

I have blocked out so much of my life- middle school, high school. I don’t remember who I am because those formative years are gone.

Or maybe they never existed to me.

#BipolarDepression #Bipolar1 #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Manic #ManicEpisodes #Depression

I’m manic and sad idk how to explain I’m manic enough to only function with three hours of sleep but I’m sad that I have exams I need to study and I’m looking back at my teenage self hoping I could get that joy n life n impulsivity I had back then but now I just feel old useless and broken down #CheckInWithMe #BipolarDisorder #Manic #ADHD #BipolarDepression

I’m manic and sad idk how to explain I’m manic enough to only function with three hours of sleep but I’m sad that I have exams I need to study and I’m looking back at my teenage self hoping I could get that joy n life n impulsivity I had back then but now I just feel old useless and broken down #CheckInWithMe #BipolarDisorder #Manic #ADHD #BipolarDepression

Part 1 of 2 I’ve discussed how you can’t necessarily “THINK” your way out of a situation as healing involves more than just mindset. Most of the time when you say affirmations it is only received by the mind and not even then. You see the body is much smarter than you give it credit for and it knows when you don’t fully accept or believe something. So if it knows you are faking it to make it-it doesn’t allow the integration to occur. In other words it calls B*LLSH*T on you and the new behavior you are trying to implement.

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This is why it’s hard to keep a resolution.

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This is why it’s hard to break a habit.

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This is why its hard to change your behavior or be open to change in any sort of way

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The good thing is that when you use affirmations while being in the physical body, embodying the practice, it is integrated and accepted. The body’s intelligence is aware when you are paying attention to its messages in a loving way. This mindfulness can go a long way in your journey of creating change. And in this change can be less pain and sickness and more well being.

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And this is why it is so powerful when I affirm my clients in each session they have with me while they are practicing breathwork. Because even if they aren’t consciously aware of what I am saying the body can receive it in this altered state of consciousness. The nervous system is your subconscious and it picks up meanings and messages from life’s experiences that you may not be aware of.

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I’ve included some affirmations that I thought you could say to your body when the messages are coming through loud and clear. And you aren’t sure what they are trying to tell you. Rather than choosing to fear or stifle the emotions or sensations can you be open to their meaning? Maybe you decide to implement more curiosity in your life for 2024. Rather then your go to thought or reaction of being angry, resentful and frustrated with the body.

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Maybe instead you can offer it some love in the way of being present. Choosing to place your hand on the part that is giving you the message and whisper one of these.

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Here are some from Louise Hay, a healer and author who believed one hundred percent in the connection of the body messages and illness

“I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves”.

“I will not be distracted by noise, chatter, or setbacks. Patience, commitment, grace, and purpose will guide me”.

“In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole and complete. I no longer choose to believe in old limitations and lack. I now choose to begin to see myself as the Universe sees me — perfect, whole, and complete”.

“All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good”.

“I am in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing”.

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Here are some that I use:

“I choose to see what is right about this that I may not be getting”. Dr. Kim D’Eramo

“It’s safe to ask for help. People want to support me”. Gabby Bernstein

“I am open to new possibilities for healing”. Amy Stein

“I am practicing sitting in uncertainty as that is all there really is in life”. Amy Stein/Tracy H.

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If any of these phrases helped you today or any day, I encourage you to put them in a visible spot that you can see as a reminder! Let them remind you of how strong you are no matter what may come your way. Keep in mind that you want to embody the practice not just repeat the words but really feel how they land and if they invoke a sensation or emotion.

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I was much more comfortable with saying my affirmations, doing the protocols and changing my diet. The idea of the inner work paralyzed as many of us are taught to fear our emotions and sensations. It can cause you to view your body as the enemy and avoid any and all feelings. This is actually why you become sick and experience pain in the first place.

Are you ready to try something new, which isn’t really all that new or hard? In this session with me you can learn how powerful your breath can be to release pain and stuck emotions? Which in turn lessen your symptoms and ailments. I speak about how I practiced manic healing for years, doing everything in my head but never landing in my body. I thought I could re-wire my brain and change my mindset and I would be cured. But this doesn’t work because you need to be present in the physical body to allow healing to occur. Want to experience what can happen when you welcome in emotions and sensations in a safe

I’m sick of living my life of severe depression that leads to mania that destroys everyone around me and other families to the point of me hibernating in my home after the damage I’ve made afraid of running into someone I was manic around. I’m going on 4 yrs of fear regret,shame and guilt constantly consuming me.