Gail smith

@987forgive
I am a 64yo grandmother of three. I have anxiety, depression and some other physical problems. I have created a co-dependant adult child and also a pretty normal one as well.
Community Voices

My fury knows no bounds

I have reached the end of my rope. My 57 year old son is married to a woman with a diagnosable Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This marriage, because of his inability to break free, is a major problem for my grandson who just turned 13. He has endured emotional and psychological abuse his entire life. My son is a textbook case of an abused spouse. He allows her behavior to negatively impact every aspect of his and his son’s life. She controls his behavior, even when he is out of town. He has been the only parent this boy has had as while she is a formidable presence in the home, the emotions she evokes are fear, anger, and confusion. I do not live in the same city, but if I did I fear I would report them to Child Protective Services for abuse and neglect.
Recently my son accepted a job in another city, another state. The State both I and my daughter and her family live in. Our entire family was hopeful that this move marked his decision to pursue a divorce. In an attempt to help him I purchased a house for him and his son. Unfortunately I have come to believe I am enabling him to maintain two households and to avoid suing for divorce. He has been steadfast in his belief that she would not cause any problems. He is well aware that NY State law requires that he have the express permission of the “ mother” to take the child out of state. Further, that if he does he can be brought up on Kidnapping, a federal felony offense.
I feel helpless, angry, sad, etc. i have come to see that it is he who is the problem as he will not go to court and say what needs to be said. The 13 year old is clear and articulate that he does not want to live with his mother and would state that to a Judge.
How is it that someone like my daughter -in-law can wield such power.
I spent a very long time blaming myself for his bad marriage. If I had only been a better mother, etc……. for awhile, I have been able to tell myself “ I didn’t cause this, It is not my fault, I can’t cure this”. It worked for awhile until today I learned she has told him she has Stage 4 breast cancer ( she has not seen a doctor) I’d bet my life it is another manipulative lie. She told him this on the phone as she went to Europe for an art exhibition. She won’t come home to see a Dr. Because, according to her, “ it’s too expensive.” So ahe will travel through at least 3 countries to get to Hungary. Why? Who knows. I feel guilty for providing the financial means to enable him to support 2 households. I fear I am capable of confronting her myself and thereby risk losing my son.
What I’ve written is really the tip of the iceberg, but I had to put something down on paper.
Anny words of wisdom or support would be much appreciated. #
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woo80

I've had enough

Mum died 5 weeks ago, dad 6 years ago even my dog has died. All of cancer. I've had a breast cancer scare. I'm done, how can life be so cruel.

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Community Voices

My family don't care about me after my admission of childhood sexual abuse and incest.

Almost eight years ago to the day, in a situation that's too complicated to explain, I was forced to tell my family about the sexual abuse and incest I experienced as a child. The incestuous element was a very close family member.

I often fantasised about what might happen if I ever revealed my past. I felt neglected as a child, was abandoned by my mother in my early teens, and brought up by numerous nannies and au pairs who came and went like the wind. I can only really remember one of them clearly. I had at least ten.

My revelations caused massive shock waves through the family, and respective step family members. I was immediately vilified, disbelieved, told to recount every detail of what happened, and branded a liar.

What I had always dreamed of happening if I ever revealed my truth, simply cemented my thoughts about my childhood. That I had never been emotionally validated, although I never experienced hardship or poverty in any other ways. My dad actually said "why on earth would you accuse me of any kind of neglect, you had a comfortable home, holidays abroad every year, etc. He was so far away from the point it's almost unbelievable.

He was so angry about my revelations. Demanding that I did this and that. And when I refused, saying that I was feeling traumatised and extremely vulnerable, he accused me of not having any story to tell.

At the time that this information came out, I had just received my second diagnosis of recurrent breast cancer. I was told that I was attention seeking. I said that if I was, didn't they think that receiving a diagnosis of recurrent breast cancer would be enough? And how badly they must think of me if they believe I'm sick enough to make up stories like that for attention?

They told me that I'm mentally unstable, and God knows what goes on in my head. I forgot to mention that a couple of months previous to all of this I had made a serious suicide attempt and been in a women's mental health unit.

Ironically, if that's the right word, I wished at the time that my cancer had come back because it is so much easier to deal with than my mental health illness.

My daughter graduated from University on Thursday with a first class honours degree in Applied Psychology. I mentioned to my family that I must be doing something right because she is the most wonderful, well adjusted, caring, generous, kind, funny, beautiful person, and surely some of that must be due to my parenting, as a single parent I might add. They said nothing, and then muttered, obviously about me, after my comment.

So I realised that because of my disabilities, and reliance on benefits, they might be thinking that they played more of a role in her getting her degree than I did. So I left a message on Facebook, for everyone to see, thanking them for all their support and said that she/ we couldn't have done it without them. Nothing. My dad brought Ella back from her uni house the other day, he barely stayed more than 5 minutes after unloading her stuff. He didn't even ask me how I was.

I feel abandoned all over again. Except this time it hurts more. The family member in question denied everything and has told everyone I'm insane. Goodness knows what effect this could have on my daughter. When everything came out, she was going to a festival. She came back with drug induced psychosis.

What should I do, where do I turn to for help? Just talking to someone who has had a similar experience would be a great comfort. Thanks

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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is Legjac. I'm here because I hate my life. I was the self-sufficient ignored child. My younger sister was the problem child who finally killed herself and my dad died of Covid/Parkinson’s and now my mom lives next door. I don’t like her but she has cognitive issues and needs someone to help. I am basically a good person, so I do what needs to be done, but I hate it. My husband refuses to discuss or even acknowledge anything unpleasant. We never fight because he refuses. I probably married him because he is just like my parents and it was what I was used to. I was mostly fine with my life and was thrilled that I didn’t have to see my parents because of Covid until they got it. My husband is oblivious and is going to retire in a year. I work at home. He was home for three months at the start of the pandemic and I stopped doing all the routines I had in place and our house became a disaster zone. I did realize that my ADHD meds stopped working and I think I have some that work now but can’t get it under control. I have a hard time functioning when everything is a mess but I can’t fix it. I never had kids (on purpose) and now the two adults most in my life act like 3-year-olds. I know I have a pretty good life and a lot of people have it so much worse, but I fantasize about waking up dead.

#MightyTogether #ADHD #Depression

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