My fury knows no bounds
I have reached the end of my rope. My 57 year old son is married to a woman with a diagnosable Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This marriage, because of his inability to break free, is a major problem for my grandson who just turned 13. He has endured emotional and psychological abuse his entire life. My son is a textbook case of an abused spouse. He allows her behavior to negatively impact every aspect of his and his son’s life. She controls his behavior, even when he is out of town. He has been the only parent this boy has had as while she is a formidable presence in the home, the emotions she evokes are fear, anger, and confusion. I do not live in the same city, but if I did I fear I would report them to Child Protective Services for abuse and neglect.
Recently my son accepted a job in another city, another state. The State both I and my daughter and her family live in. Our entire family was hopeful that this move marked his decision to pursue a divorce. In an attempt to help him I purchased a house for him and his son. Unfortunately I have come to believe I am enabling him to maintain two households and to avoid suing for divorce. He has been steadfast in his belief that she would not cause any problems. He is well aware that NY State law requires that he have the express permission of the “ mother” to take the child out of state. Further, that if he does he can be brought up on Kidnapping, a federal felony offense.
I feel helpless, angry, sad, etc. i have come to see that it is he who is the problem as he will not go to court and say what needs to be said. The 13 year old is clear and articulate that he does not want to live with his mother and would state that to a Judge.
How is it that someone like my daughter -in-law can wield such power.
I spent a very long time blaming myself for his bad marriage. If I had only been a better mother, etc……. for awhile, I have been able to tell myself “ I didn’t cause this, It is not my fault, I can’t cure this”. It worked for awhile until today I learned she has told him she has Stage 4 breast cancer ( she has not seen a doctor) I’d bet my life it is another manipulative lie. She told him this on the phone as she went to Europe for an art exhibition. She won’t come home to see a Dr. Because, according to her, “ it’s too expensive.” So ahe will travel through at least 3 countries to get to Hungary. Why? Who knows. I feel guilty for providing the financial means to enable him to support 2 households. I fear I am capable of confronting her myself and thereby risk losing my son.
What I’ve written is really the tip of the iceberg, but I had to put something down on paper.
Anny words of wisdom or support would be much appreciated. #