acalder1997

I’m numb. Confused. Lost. Stuck. Wandering. Blank. Aching. Need constant direction at work for example. I can’t focus on what to do and where to go but need money for me and my husband. I’m embarrassed to tell him I may need disability benefits… I feel ashamed and I feel hopeless about this situation. I try but after an insanely scary event in March 2020 where I lost my mind in a manic episode, nothing has been the same. I’m detached from this world. If I couldn’t even know where the heck I was during that episode and blacked out, how much more then am I not fully.. there… aware now..

I’m numb. Confused. Lost. Stuck. Wandering. Blank. Aching. Need constant direction at work for example. I can’t focus on what to do and where to go but need money for me and my husband. I’m embarrassed to tell him I may need disability benefits… I feel ashamed and I feel hopeless about this situation. I try but after an insanely scary event in March 2020 where I lost my mind in a manic episode, nothing has been the same. I’m detached from this world. If I couldn’t even know where the heck I was during that episode and blacked out, how much more then am I not fully.. there… aware now..

I’m numb. Confused. Lost. Stuck. Wandering. Blank. Aching. Need constant direction at work for example. I can’t focus on what to do and where to go but need money for me and my husband. I’m embarrassed to tell him I may need disability benefits… I feel ashamed and I feel hopeless about this situation. I try but after an insanely scary event in March 2020 where I lost my mind in a manic episode, nothing has been the same. I’m detached from this world. If I couldn’t even know where the heck I was during that episode and blacked out, how much more then am I not fully.. there… aware now..

I’m numb. Confused. Lost. Stuck. Wandering. Blank. Aching. Need constant direction at work for example. I can’t focus on what to do and where to go but need money for me and my husband. I’m embarrassed to tell him I may need disability benefits… I feel ashamed and I feel hopeless about this situation. I try but after an insanely scary event in March 2020 where I lost my mind in a manic episode, nothing has been the same. I’m detached from this world. If I couldn’t even know where the heck I was during that episode and blacked out, how much more then am I not fully.. there… aware now..

I’m numb. Confused. Lost. Stuck. Wandering. Blank. Aching. Need constant direction at work for example. I can’t focus on what to do and where to go but need money for me and my husband. I’m embarrassed to tell him I may need disability benefits… I feel ashamed and I feel hopeless about this situation. I try but after an insanely scary event in March 2020 where I lost my mind in a manic episode, nothing has been the same. I’m detached from this world. If I couldn’t even know where the heck I was during that episode and blacked out, how much more then am I not fully.. there… aware now..

#Mania #Depression # bipolar # paranoia #Confusion #PTSD
2 years ago I had a traumatic experience. My first bipolar manic episode. I couldn’t think, time went away, I didn’t know where I was, I blacked out, didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, and worst of all had horrific hallucinations and delusions. The degree of terror to which I experienced then has gone away, but the fear, the paranoia, the not being able to think straight, that remains. It makes functioning and doing simple tasks really hard. It means not wanting to get up and communication breakdown with loved ones . I have suicidal thoughts all the time because everything is so hard (and I know that’s just life.) but I feel like I’m on a tight rope and any moment things could go to hell. I try to explain what I feel and what goes on in my brain but it’s no use . Most folks don’tunderstand unless they are going through it themselves. I don’t know how to press on.

I’d like to get on disability because I have fibromyalgia and several mental health conditions. I want to pursue disability for this…but I’m in my twenties and worried that will prevent this from happening. Any tips? I truly don’t feel I can keep going on like this, but I need income (no alternate job suggestions, please—working is not feasible at all for me right now).