But he didn’t hit me
But he didn’t hit me.
Why does that make it ok? After recently being diagnosed with complex-PTSD this question keeps tormenting my mind. Why do we live in a world where emotional and verbal abuse is so often overlooked simply because they didn’t physically hurt me?
How is it ok that I keep getting screamed at to shut up every time I show an emotion or have an emotional flashback because your screaming at me? I also have BPD and through DBT I learnt to express my emotions, to sit with them, to be ok with them. But now I’m getting told to shut the fuck up, and to just get over it, like I did my entire childhood.
How is it ok that I’ve started having panic attacks and sit in a ball in fear, with tears streaming down my face while you smash things and yell at me? How is it ok I spent my childhood hiding out or running away from the constant screaming matches, or becoming so aware of my environment I can pick up on the slightest change in tone or body language, that now I immediately go into fight or flight mode if someone speaks to me the wrong way or raises their voice?
How is it ok that I get the blame for everything? Your anger? The time you lost your wallet? That time from my childhood when mum found out something so I got the blame for telling her? Everyone saying it’s my fault because I’m mentally ill even though I’ve been in therapy for years and work hard every damn day to try and be a better person than I was yesterday, because I’ve spent my life believing everything was my fault and maybe if I was good enough it wouldn’t be my fault anymore.
Well enough is enough. It’s not ok. None of it is ok. I’ve suffered at the hands of various people my whole life, and because they made me believe it was my fault because I was mentally ill, and because I believed I wasn’t good enough from a lifetime of verbal and emotional abuse I let it happen, because I believed it’s what I deserved. But the people around me also let it happen simply because he didn’t hit me. Well I’m sorry but that’s not good enough. It’s not a good enough excuse. Emotional and verbal abuse is just as damaging, if not more because the wounds inflicted cut a lot deeper than a bruise. It’s time we stood up and said no to emotional and verbal abuse, especially as individuals with mental illness because having a mental illness doesn’t make you any less of a person, and you definitely don’t deserve to be treated any less because of it. I am good enough, and so are you.