Exploration of Another
Haven’t felt this way in a long period of time.
Desire to improve and move forward in a direction
One I haven’t had prior
Desire to care and learn
After I’ve thought I’ve learned everything I could learn.
Desire to feel
All those feelings I snuffed out like a smoked up cigarette butt.
Living triumphantly until it’s bitter end.
Those feelings, those feelings, those.
Feelings. Become twisted and knotted up in my stomach and brain; because there’s too many to pick apart and assign.
Resistance of urges and thinking patterns I routinely follow so rigidly they begin to tighten a grip around everything I say and do.
They are not smothering me currently. They’ve loosened up that death grip because of you.
Unsure what to process that under it quickly falls under “null”, “overwhelming”, “confusing”.
Even good things can be those.
Good things are those
When you become used to deprivation of them.
Laughter fills corners and spaces of rooms that it hasn’t been. Sneaks into crevices you don’t see – you can feel if you run your hand across the surface.
I check, and continue to recheck the feelings like it’s keeping track of timing for something. Feelings don’t work like a clock, or a continuous string of reliability and consistency.
Not anymore. Not anymore.
They don’t want to be confined.
Not anymore. #Autism #Affection #feelings