Amber

@amberbrigham
Community Voices

Misunderstood

Does anyone know a god way how to get across how you’re feeling and what you’re going through with quiet body? I find that the people who know I have bpd struggle to get it because my symptoms aren’t so outward and they’ve read about the typical bpd portrayals. Just wish there was a way to get across how much pain and torment it can be having this illness #quietbpd #BPD #struggling #MentalIllness

3 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Misunderstood

Does anyone know a god way how to get across how you’re feeling and what you’re going through with quiet body? I find that the people who know I have bpd struggle to get it because my symptoms aren’t so outward and they’ve read about the typical bpd portrayals. Just wish there was a way to get across how much pain and torment it can be having this illness #quietbpd #BPD #struggling #MentalIllness

3 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Eating disorder impact on family

I’m really struggling with my eating disorder and have been for a while now. I also have bpd and my self esteem is rock bottom. I live with my family and have been arguing with them so badly recently. They are worried about me and cannot cope with it and say I aren’t helping myself and need to meet them half way. I just don’t feel like I deserve to or need to eat. I use it as self harm and I feel so alone. No one seems to get that it not as simple as clicking my fingers and I can just manage 3 square meals a day. The meer thought of it is totally overwhelming and I’m at a point where I just don’t want to be here any more but I have to be for the people that care about me. I’m so sick and tired of living this life. I’m trapped. #EatingDisorders #BPD #EUPD emotionally unstable personality disorder #Selfharm #Restriction #hopeless #Depression #Family #alone

Megan Glosson

The Different Types of 'Splitting' in Borderline Personality Disorder

The world is constantly split in the eyes of someone like me who has borderline personality disorder (BPD). We only see things in extremes, one end of the spectrum or the other, black or white with no other shades in between. Everything is polarized. I’m high or I’m low; you love me, or you hate me. The time it takes to travel from one end to the other isn’t much at all; I can be dancing and having the time of my life, then suddenly a thought can cross my mind and I’m ready to end it all right then and there. Relationships can go from fabulous to over in a matter of minutes. All it takes is one small thing to throw the world out of balance and force me to unleash all of my pain. They say that most of the time, splitting is almost like a “fight or flight reaction” within someone with BPD. It’s a defense mechanism; it’s the armor we wear in hopes of protecting ourselves from the shattering heartache we feel each and every day. Here’s the thing about splitting, though: it doesn’t always look the same. Just like there can be many differences in how someone with depression acts or feels, the same is true for how someone with BPD can begin to unravel and split. I’ve seen even in my own reactions to the world around me that I don’t always commit my “splitting infractions” in the same way. There are, however, some patterns and a few ways I tend to split in regards to people when I’m feeling that desire to break away. 1. I split in silence. Sometimes, the path of least resistance is to simply say nothing at all, and this is definitely the case when I feel those urges to split but have the self-control to prevent it from happening completely. This splitting tends to simply be a radio silence: I may go from talking your ear off to suddenly responding in short, choppy words and phrases, or I may stop speaking at all. The danger here is actually all the thoughts that are racing through my head — all the emotions that are shooting through my veins and eating away at my heart. This form of splitting is the hardest for those around me to recognize, and it often goes unnoticed whatsoever. Over time, if my feelings fester, I’ll start pulling away from the person more and more, going to extreme lengths to avoid any interaction with them at all. 2. I split with rage. Probably the most common way people imagine splitting — “I hate you; don’t leave me!” Rage is a frequent form of splitting for me… and often the most destructive. The best way I can describe it is a volcano: the feelings are always there, dormant, until the catalyst begins to heat all the things and they have nowhere to go but out. It’s in that moment I explode. I use words like weaponry, wielding them without care and determined to throw the final blow. I stomp, I shout, I slam myself into things. This rage can also turn internal, leaving me to self-destruct through all those unhealthy means that people like me use. These moments are the ones which instantly push people away and leave me drowning in the shame of my behaviors once the storm subsides. 3. I split in the past. Sometimes when I split, I drag myself back to all the memories I have of splitting, which only further pushes me to think the world is ending. I will start projecting the past onto the present and use past scenarios to fuel into the splitting battles I find myself in. These are the times I say things like, “You hate me because everyone always hates me,” or “Well, when I did this, she left, so you’re just going to leave me, too.” When I split in this way, it is never really about the person who receives the regurgitation of my mind, but rather the pain I still feel from the original infraction. These actions are also never helpful or healthy, as they tend to make people feel lousy when I compare them to someone else (usually someone they know I hate). Join our BPD community, and chime in on the conversation:   4. I split with myself. This may not make sense to everyone, but it’s a connection I’ve recently made as I fight to understand myself and spend time analyzing nearly every moment in my day. Sometimes, though, instead of pushing those thoughts and feelings I may be having onto someone else, I store them up to use on myself. I nitpick every tiny flaw, even every breath I take, and try to actually turn on myself. I purposely make decisions to further harm myself, or I seek attention by outwardly using my words against my own body and mind. These can be the times where I dissociate, or spiral into a complete delirium, frequently pushing myself to some extreme limits and life-threatening places. I’m learning, though, that splitting doesn’t have to end in shouting matches or even reach that point of escalation at all. As I work toward a life worth living, I am developing skillful means through dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) that can help me push through those moments when the magnitude of pain reaches breaking points. When we split, it’s important to always try to harness our wise mind to help us check the facts. Often, those feelings that trigger our “fight or flight” response aren’t based in any form of reality whatsoever. It’s important to realize when we are reaching critical mass and use distress tolerance skills to combat the dysregulation and emotion regulation skills to find the middle path. Although I find myself still frequently splitting on my favorite person or my partner, I know I am making progress toward recovery, and every small step makes my explosive reactions happen a little less. It’s all about learning to cope healthily and gain control over an illness that, at times, seems all-consuming.

Community Voices

Making Hot Chocolate with #Fibromyalgia

How I make hot chocolate while experiencing fibromyalgia symptoms

1. Turn on the kettle
2. Water the plants while kettle boils
3. Wonder why I boiled the kettle.
4. Stand for a minute or 2 in utter confusion.
5. Remember I was making hot chocolate
6. Scoop powder into mug. Then put spoon in sink.
7. Reboil the kettle and pour into mug. Look at powder floating on top, and look at spoon in sink. Look back and forth. Remember you need the spoon but don’t know for what. Remember I need the powder stirred into the water. Wonder how to do that with a spoon and if it will work.
8. Think I’m a genius and go back to my couch.
9. Watch tv for a bit. Get a craving for hot chocolate, think I will make some.
10. Get to kitchen and find the hot chocolate getting cold on the counter.
#BrainFog

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Community Voices

Has it struck anyone else that all of those people out there preaching "Change your way of thinking, change your life!" and "You have control over your own mind!" very rarely take into account those with mental illness. We had a positivity speaker at work the other day, and while I agree with the premise, and that it might work in the "normal" brain, what about those going through a depressive episode? Not once do you EVER hear these people bring up #PsychiatricMedication to help people help themselves, it's always "You can do it alone!" I don't know, maybe it's just me... But I thought that just maybe someone on here felt the same way... Thanks for reading my rant!

58 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Gotta Love Those Spirals #Anxiety

Don't you just love those fantastic spirals that lead you to the conclusion that everyone hates you and you should just never leave you're room again?

3 people are talking about this