Anne Perreault

@anneperreault
Community Voices

Can't stop pulling my hair. Got scared when I saw a flashing light. I left a message for my eye doctor but the stress of what could be overflowed into self destruction.

I feel better after talking about it. Just gotta focus on today. Right now. That's all.

If it is an eye thing it could help the neurologist (when I see him) figure out what's going on. Because I have a lot of MS like symptoms. I don't want MS I just want to feel better, no matter what it takes.

No matter the answer I know it will work out. It's just getting the answer...that is the challenge.

Wish me luck.

#Trichotillomania #Trich #MultipleSclerosis #mslikesymptoms #Spoonie

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I've Been Gone Too Long (poem)

youtu.be/PKmhjdbTDYU

#MultipleSclerosis #MS #mslikesymptoms #chronicallyill #Spoonie

I’ve been gone too long

Voids stare back at me

Enough is enough; set me free

Being in this body is tiring

Enough is enough

Every day feels the same

Never changing, always something holding me back.

Going every part of nowhere

Only seeing what I want to see

Nothing can change what’s already begun

Even though I want it to change.

Too many years wasted

Only to find the truth in hell

Over the hill, right in front of me

Long has the fight lingered inside of me

Only to be snuffed by the anger and rage

Never again, never again!

Great minds never cease.

***

This poem was written from my bed as I was battling a menieres/neurological attack. I was fine one moment, then I was grabbing my head and throwing up in a bowl.

What the?

It’s frustrating, dealing with all of this. I’m strong and a badass but there are days when I don’t feel strong enough.

I have to remember that I am because it’s true. I need to be kinder to myself, nicer to myself. Because I’m worth it.

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Soul Full of Grime

Wish I hadn’t said goodbye

the sadness envelops me

I keep asking myself “Why?”

Why not put me out to sea

You were a wonderful friend

Can’t believe this is the end

You were there around the bend

Truly a friend to the end.

But in the end, they all leave

that’s the way it’s gonna be

I’m just too screwed up to love

please just put me out to sea.

My emotions are intense

I live on the Borderline

my emotions are suspense

My mind is simply fried

I wish I could turn back time

This message will have to do

because I don’t have a dime

and I have so much to lose.

You told me you’d be a friend

as long as you could be one

now it has come to an end

All in all and one and done.

I wouldn’t give up those times

they were the best in my life

although my soul is filled with grime

I will always fight for life.

==

Recently I fell off the DBT wagon. My thoughts became ambivalent, and unstable. I realized I needed to start using my skills again.

So I started re-reading the skills…specifically mindfulness. I’m not the biggest fan of talking about my feelings. I always get squeamish. People either tell me I’m too sensitive and I need to get a thicker skin, or that I’m messed up and they don’t know how to help me.

I had a therapist tell me that. To my face. Fun times.

To be honest, I’m glad I wrote that note to my ex-friend. It felt good to tell her how much her kindness meant to me in high school. We’re different people now but I still care about her very much.

People change, my dude.

Especially me.

youtu.be/U1yNTPHN8wY

#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Friendship #Emptiness #Depression

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Decided to Share for Those Who Needed to See It

Tired and in pain (better with the early meds) and working on my art and writing. Finding a job is up in the air at the moment but I am still looking for remote writing jobs. Or data entry. Whatever. I want to be normal. But my old "normal" is gone. Family (ie: my mother) cries over it.

I hate it when people cry...especially over things I cannot change. All I can do is find the right combination of coping skills, meds, doctors, and therapists, to fare better in this world.

I'm a sensitive person. Less so now but it's a part of me that will always remain. Hence why I'm looking into writing jobs and posting my writing everywhere...not just on Tumblr.

It feels like I'm "always sick" and yeah I am. I'm fighting a battle...(nerd moment: like when the Autobots fought for eons against the Decepticons) but it's worth it. It's worth it to try.

Besides...I may not see the world but I have my family and my love and his family. They are MY world. They are the light in MY life. Their love gives me fuel to keep fighting.

#BipolarDisorder #borderlinepersonality #Fibromyalgia #RheumatoidArthritis #SjogrensSyndrome #PTSD #Anxiety #Menieres #Osteoarthritis #DiscDegeneration

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A Scream Into the Void

I used to be able to do so much more. Now I'm in bed a lot due to pain and fatigue. I want to work but I have soooo much going on so it would have to be from home.

How do I learn to be OK with my obstacles? It's been over ten years since I went down this rollarcoaster.

Maybe things will never change. Deep down I know they will...that there's still a spark of the person I was deep down inside.

I'm just frustrated. New problems: back pain that is turning me into a hunchback.

I just want my old "normal" back :(

I am trying my hardest.

But I always left therapy feeling like it was never good enough for my therapist.

I'm not severely ill so I can do this.

And I"m trying...

sigh.

ever the people pleaser.

BTW, I have a new therapist now. I am slowly opening up :) Just trying to cope with all these new challenges. Needed an abyss/void to scream into xD

#Fibromyalgia #rheumatoid #Arthritis #BackPain #Osteoarthritis #DegenerativeDiscDisease #sjogrens #Neuropathy #weakness #Menieres

5 people are talking about this
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Does not mix

<p>Does not mix</p>
1 person is talking about this
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Strength

<p>Strength</p>
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Warrior

<p>Warrior</p>
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Best I Can

<p>Best I Can</p>
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Running Through the Flames (poem)

<p>Running Through the Flames (poem)</p>